The choices we make
by Dream of Ragtime
Summary: A modern AU in which Robert and Cora meet in London on a rainy day. But what happens when life and fate intervene? What will they choose in the end: duty or love?
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone! I'm back..or so it seems. This is the story I promised almost one year ago and I'm sorry if it took me so long. The ones who are closer to me already know I've been questioning myself many times...I kept asking myself if this was the kind of story someone would like. It's thanks to my greatest blessing in life (aka "granthamfan") if I have finally found the courage to post this and to "syriana 94" for her wise words and the spectacular cover image._

* * *

 ** _I._**

 ** _Chance encounters_**

 _"Fata viam invenient"_

(Destiny will find its way)

Publius Vergilius Maro (also known as Virgil)

* * *

"Oh no, no, no...not again please" she muttered between her lips when she felt the light rain wetting her cheeks. She hadn't taken an umbrella with her that day, she had too many books to carry with her.

Why didn't she take a taxi on her way home? Wasn't it supposed to be summer?

Why does it ever have to rain?

She tried to rush her steps, her head bent looking at the pavement thinking of how late she already was and now the rain would have certainly slowed her pace.

She was so tired, she just wanted to go to her apartment and collapse on the couch after a hot bath.

The books were so heavy her arms were aching , not to mention that they were becoming slippery because of the rain. But she did not intend to give up, it was not in her usual character to let things go differently from what she had planned.

That's why she had left America to take her PhD in London and that's why, despite her mother's unorthodox suggestions, she was still single. It's not that she had no interest in men or marriage, but she hadn't found the right one yet, and besides she had no time for that kind of things. Her head was all absorbed by her work at the art gallery and her voluntary work at the children's hospital.

She had planned to stay alone for quite some time now, maybe there was not a right man for her. Her past relationships had been always complete disasters and she didn't want to risk her happiness now that she was so satisfied with her work.

She didn't want another man who was only interested in her until she would have made it clear that sleeping together was out of question, because she had vowed herself she wanted to find the right person. She didn't necessarily want to wait until her wedding night, but after having heard some of her friends' dreadful tales about 'that part' of their relationships, especially at the beginning, she just couldn't bear the thought. She had to be sure.

At the moment she didn't even care, for as far as she knew, finding her Prince Charming was the last of her priorities and she had already dismissed the idea finding it almost impossible.

She had tried to date some of her classmates when she came to London, full of hopes to finally be away from her family's troubles, but it didn't work. She had tried again nine months ago, when one of her colleagues at the art gallery, Simon Bricker, had asked her to go out and have dinner with him. They went out together for almost a month, but even if at the beginning she thought she could maybe even feel something for him, she had sensed there was something strange in that guy. He was gentle and always full of compliments, but there was something in his eyes she knew she could not fully trust him. And so she had told him she needed to be alone, she was probably not suited to be in a relationship with anyone. He had been quite reluctant in letting her go, and it had taken her several attempts to succeed. Luckily for her, they were in a restaurant when it all happened, because, thinking about it again, she could still feel the pressure of his fingers on her forearms.

From that day she had always tried to keep him at distance, but he always found something to ask her or to show her. He was a bit insistent, but she was sure he meant no harm.

When a sudden splash of cold water hit her on her leg, and watching how fast the car that caused it ran away, she felt all her exhausting day was washing over her.

She was furious and already completely soaked from the pouring rain and now also for that horrible car which had just left her in a complete mess.

"Hey, watch out!" She screamed impulsively, weaving with her hand, turning her head backwards, but it was too late the car was too fast, she couldn't even see it anymore.

Weren't these English supposed to be the most polite people in the world?

Oh she was so angry she could scream now, she had to hurry up, sometimes she hated that city...

BUMP!

Her body had just hit something, she could feel it was something strong but it didn't hurt so it was not supposed to be too hard.

She lifted her gaze, and she saw that her art books were flying from her arms into the wet air and in one second they were scattered on the sidewalk.

"I'm so sorry I didn't see you" she heard someone speaking, but she was already bent on her legs to gather her precious books.

"Oh no, it was totally my fault" she replied, placing a wet hair lock behind her ear.

The man who spoke was now bending too, his voice seemed gentle and was helping her collecting the books.

He was knelt in front of her, very close to her face, if she had to admit the truth, he was too close. She could feel his warm breath on her nose.

She should feel embarrassed, maybe even scared by the proximity of this stranger, but when his scent filled her nostrils she felt she didn't have to worry.

She lifted her gaze: blue, the only thing she could see was a pair of blue eyes staring at her.

After what she thought an eternity, he spoke again "These are yours". He was handling her some books, she took them and stood up, the rain was pouring even more now.

"Thank you, I have to go now " she breathed.

He took a step further, half blocking her way. She stared quizzically at him with lifted brows and her mouth half open.

"I was thinking, since I caused you a great inconvenience, if I may accompany you home, Miss..."

She was starting to wonder if she had hit her head against him instead of her shoulder and lost consciousness, otherwise this man had to be born in 1870.

"Well, Cora...my name is Cora and I should be going now, really. But don't worry I live over there." She smiled pointing at some building in front of him. "Thank you, anyway, Mr..."

"Robert, Robert Crawley and since you don't have an umbrella, I insist you take mine, please...Cora"

Oh wow, there was still hope for the human race then, there was still gentleness in this world. And how could she deny something to that pair of blue eyes and handsome features?

"Thank you very much, Mr Crawley"

"Robe..." He tried to say, but she was already gone.

 _[Earlier that day]_

He had to hurry up, he had to run to his house here in London and pack something and go to Downton.

His mother's words still ringing in his ears "Robert, your father had a heart attack this morning and has died. You have to come home as soon as possible!"

How could this be true? He had seen him two weeks ago and he was fine. But now his father was dead, and he was the Earl.

All his childhood friends were so excited when he once had revealed the title his family held from the eighteenth century. Not that nowadays it mattered much, it was just that he would have inherited the estate and the company together with the title and that's how it was supposed to happen. He had become the Earl of Grantham, only heir of all his fortunes, at the expense of his father's life.

It was not thrilling anymore, it was not exciting as he thought it would be during his childhood. It was painful and his heart was aching terribly, despite he was a grownup now and he had spent his life being trained for this moment.

He had left the office in shock being so grateful it had started to rain, so that no one would have looked directly at his face, which despite all his efforts, was flushed and wet for his own tears.

He had thought to call the driver or even to drive home himself, but had discarded the idea hoping the fresh air would do him good.

And in fact as soon as he left the building and took the first tentative steps in the crowded streets of London, he started to feel slightly better.

He was heading towards his apartment or at least he hoped, because he couldn't know where he was going, his body was moving on its own account, leaving his mind free to wonder and his heart free to ache.

He was absentmindedly drying his cheeks when he bumped against something.

That something was a young woman, dark brown hair, black skinny jeans, white silk shirt and a black jacket. But her face was still a mystery to him because as soon as her books had fallen on the sidewalk she was already bent on her legs trying to collect them.

He muttered something who sounded like an apology, because he knew he was too lost in his thoughts and had probably had hit her first.

As gentleman as he was, a trait which was more his own inclination than his upbringing, he couldn't fight the urge to help her.

And so there he was, the brand new Earl of Grantham bent on his knees collecting some art books for a complete stranger.

He noticed she was moving a lock of hair behind her ear and looking closely at her he saw she was all wet because of the rain, her scent was sweet and her nose was red from the cold.

When she finally lifted her face, inches from his nose, the only thing he could see was blue, a shade of sapphire blue he had never seen before.

In that moment he couldn't remember his sorrow, he couldn't remember who he had just become; completely lost in her eyes he felt comforted.

And when she left with her books on her left and his umbrella on her right hand, watching her slander figure disappearing in front of his eyes, he sank back to his previous state of mind.

It was as if her presence had comforted him, even if for a brief period of time and now he felt again a terrible pain constricting his chest.

 _"Your father has died"._


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you very much to all of you for having read, reviewed, followed, emailed me and put my story among your favourites. I'm so grateful for all your feedbacks. They keep me writing.

This is the second chapter where we will "explore" more of Cora and Robert's characters.

 _ **II. On grieving**_

 _"Give me_

 _all the peace and joy in your mind"_

 _Muse - Bliss- (Origin of Symmetry 2001)_

When she entered her apartment, closing the door behind her back, she took a deep breath and felt relieved. The week was finally over and she could relax during the weekend. There was still so much to do at the art gallery for the next exhibition and that was the reason why she had planned to study those books during her free time.

But now it was time for a relaxing hot bath and a comfortable dinner on her couch watching TV.

She let the water run while she had taken off her wet clothes and when she stepped inside the bathtub she started to feel warm again, her head almost sleepy.

The sweet vanilla scent of her bubble bath and the silence of the room made her close her eyes and her mind wonder while she was washing mindlessly her leg with the sponge.

She was not the kind of woman who endlessly praised herself, but now she had to admit it, she was very proud of herself. She had given up her life and her family in America to follow her dream and she had worked very hard to achieve it. Her parents were furious, especially her father, he wanted her to follow his steps and take care of the company that her grandfather had built all those years ago, but she couldn't.

She had a great ability in dealing with her father's business: she was gentle, very wise, and could be very firm too, if she should; but that was not the life she wanted to live. Her life in America was a real fight: constantly competing with her family's expectations, her passion for art and paintings and getting her brother Harold out of troubles.

Her love for art was too great and she felt she had to go away to be really herself. Therefore she had left for England where no one knew who she was, where she was just a young woman among all the others and not the daughter of Isidore Levinson.

After her PhD she decided to stay, having experienced how free she had felt for the first time in her life and having already gained a very well paid job at the art gallery.

The water was definitely getting cold so she stepped out the bathtub and wrapped herself in a towel to dry herself.

After having dressed in a oversized t-shirt she went to her kitchen, extracted a tub of chocolate ice cream from the fridge and sat quietly on her couch.

She switched the TV on and when her brain had realised what she was watching with her eyes, she let the spoon fall from her hand and it reached the carpet on the floor with a thud.

 _"After the sudden death of his father, this morning, Robert Crawley has become the Earl of Grantham"_ the journalists said, and suddenly pictures and small videos of Robert began to appear in front of her.

She was speechless, she had really bumped into the new Earl of Grantham some hours ago.

How could this be? He seemed so down to earth, of course he was impeccably dressed, she thought he was a banker or maybe a businessman, but an Earl, no she couldn't believe it.

Oh well of course a modern Earl wouldn't wander the streets of London riding a white horse, would he? What did she expect?

Thinking about their brief encounter and recalling how her gaze had met his blue eyes, she felt very sad for that young man, who shouldn't be very much older than her, and had to face all this.

She decided to go to bed and while she was curling up in the soft sheets of her bed she couldn't stop thinking about Mr Crawley and how much pain he was surely feeling in that precise moment.

* * *

Seeing the iron gates being opened and the grand yellow building approaching meter after meter, set Robert in a stressful state of mind.

How was Mama? And Rosamund? And how was he supposed to behave?

He didn't want to be Earl, not without his father who should have guided him. He knew he was ready, his father had shown him everything during all these years; he had already taken almost all of his father's responsibilities at work and he was completely able to run the estate and the company; but without Papa, who was supposed to be his anchor, his rock?

"His Lordship" Carson, the butler, their most loyal man was greeting him on the doorstep.

He was 'his Lorship' now, the word sent immediately another pang to his already fragile heart.

"Thank you, Carson. Where are my mother and my sister?"

"The Dowager Countess and Lady Rosamund are in the library now".

He stepped inside his childhood home, so many happy memories were gathered in that magnificent building and they all included his family.

He opened the door which led to the library, her mother was sitting on the settee with Rosamund next to her. They were having tea.

"Mama? Rosamund?" He called, as soon as he entered the room.

Rosamund was the first to stand up and greet him, her cheeks were dry but from the colour and the wetness in her eyes he could see she had certainly wept a lot.

"How is she?" He asked her sister in a whisper.

"She refuses to cry, Robert. I don't think it's a very good sign"

The two siblings were still holding hands while the unmistakable voice of his mother raised from the settee "I'm not refusing to cry, Rosamund. I simply think it's not very dignifying for people like us."

"Oh Mama please. Stop it at once. How many times do I have to remind you that we are not living in the eighteenth century?"

Robert was shaking his head while her sister was speaking knowing that it was completely useless and in the mean time he had moved near the settee to face his mother.

He sat next to his mother, gently placing his hand on hers. She squeezed it. Robert knew she had a different way of grieving; Rosamund had certainly wept, cried and screamed; her mother, on the contrary, would have done it later in the quietness of her bedroom. He knew it, because he had the same way of expressing his feelings: he kept everything inside, too afraid of his own emotions, too afraid of what could happen if he ever let them flow.

The two women in the room had already arranged almost everything for the funeral, there was very little left to do. He knew they had done it while waiting for him because they both wanted to be busy. He couldn't even imagine how painful it had to be for Rosamund who so recently lost his husband, and for Mama who seemed always so stern, but he knew she was capable of great feelings.

"When is Patricia coming?" He heard his mother asking

"Tomorrow, she will be here tomorrow. And now if you will excuse me..."

He started to direct his steps towards the door which lead to the great hall when Violet spoke again, more harshly this time and he suddenly had to stop, his back still to his mother "You have some responsibilities now, Robert. You know what you have to do, don't you?"

He couldn't reply, he couldn't face her, not now; so he wisely tried to avoid this confrontation and hurried his pace to exit the room safely.

"Robert Patrick Crawley!" she thundered and he didn't dare to turn his back.

"Let him go, Mama" Rosamund intervened, "he has already enough pressure on his shoulders".

When he finally closed the door of his room behind his back, he let a big sigh escape his mouth. His fatigued body collapsed into the bed, it was all too much to bear. He hoped to have some rest before dinner, feeling his eyes already closing under the stress of the day.

He dreamed about his father, the last time he saw him, two weeks before. They had spent a very good time together, laughing and smoking cigars and talking like they hadn't done in ages. It was exactly during their last night together that his father had asked the 'fatal question' about Patricia. Sensing Robert's reluctance in taking a definitive position he had forced him to accept his grandmother's engagement ring, making him promise to secure Downton a future.

It was a golden band with a big blue sapphire set in the middle and surrounded by small diamonds. It was beautiful and it kept so much history and significance in it. With his eyes closed he could remember it exactly as it was, every little diamond and the blue stone shining in the centre.

He had never seen a more perfect blue in his entire life...or maybe yes, he knew he had seen it, just the day before. A beautiful pair of blue eyes had started to pierce through his mind and he suddenly felt peaceful, all his torments slowly fading away.

The day after came and with it the presence of Robert's girlfriend: Patricia. She was there to attend the funeral.

The church was crowded and obviously full of photographers, after all they were burying an Earl; people were curious.

Patricia was standing next to Robert in the same pew with Violet and Rosamund, all of them dressed in black.

Robert kept sobbing silently during the ceremony, hundreds and hundreds of thoughts passing through his mind.

Was he ready to guide the company and the estate towards the future? Was he ready to live without the guiding light of his father? Why did he have to become Earl so soon?

His father's presence had always been so reassuring to him. He had spent his life providing work for his family and for all the people who worked for them. And now, was he equal to this situation?

After the ceremony at the church they were all standing in the cemetery, and when Robert had to say the final goodbye to his Papa, when he felt everything was really over he couldn't help himself and began sobbing soundly.

Trying to get a little comfort from her girlfriend who was standing next to him he turned to her and tried to embrace her, but the only thing he found was a friendly touch on his shoulder and cold emptiness in her eyes.

"Compose yourself, Robert!" He heard her saying.

His tormented feelings that he had tried to suppress for the last days, surfacing again: he was feeling aimless, cold and like a lonely ship with no compass anymore.

On their way back to Downton, he found himself surprised when Patricia placed her hand on the crook of his arm, but his surprise was not meant to last long and it soon faded when he saw the flashes of the photographers outside the cemetery gate.

* * *

The days were quickly slipping by while Robert was all absorbed in his work and his new responsibilities. He was immensely grateful that, before his father's passing, he was already well integrated in the company and estate and that all this work kept his mind busy.

If he had to admit it, he wasn't sleeping well: he had too many things to adjust to and his heart was still grieving for his father's sudden loss. He tried to stay awake as much as he could so that he was not forced to think about it and grieve alone. Mama was still too fragile in his eyes, she didn't want to admit it in front of her children, but without her husband she was lost. Rosamund was too heartbroken having to grieve the death of a young husband and now her father as well; and then there was Patricia who should have taken care of him, helped him in his grieving, sustained him; but the few attempts he had made searching for her help and comfort, in the last few weeks, were totally useless. He had tried to force himself and open his heart to her, after all she was his girlfriend, but she seemed more annoyed than pleased and she kept criticising him for his 'unacceptable' behaviour during the funeral, her words still ringing in his ears " _...and then you started to weep like a child. How old are you Robert?"_

He wasn't the kind of man who often showed his emotions, but for God's sake it was his father!

So he simply stopped asking and looking for her, but he knew he couldn't avoid his girlfriend forever; they both knew very well what kind of understanding between their families was laying under their relationship. The Earl and the daughter of their major customer of millions of pounds, who was now more than willing to 'participate' in the company. That would have secured the Crawleys to sustain their business and estate in Yorkshire for an unlimited period of time. He thought he would have found at least a friend, a companion in what everyone was already thinking as his future wife, but it seemed it was not meant to be for Robert and Patricia.

He wanted someone to confide in, he wanted someone to be his anchor (now that his father was dead), he wanted someone to whom he could reveal his secrets, he wanted someone to laugh with, he wanted someone who loved him for who he was, qualities and flaws, and not for his position. But all that was supposed to happen in the fairy tales he had listened to when he was a little boy, reality was a totally different thing.

He was still sitting at his desk, surrounded by hundreds of financial papers when his most trustworthy man knocked at his door.

"Crawley, what are you doing here?" He said with a worried expression on his face. Despite they were older, now they kept calling themselves by surnames, as they used to be when they were at school.

"Oh Bates, I haven't finished yet" he sighed

"Don't you remember?"

Robert was looking at him with the dumbest face Bates had ever seen and shook his head.

"Your presence is required at The London Children's Hospital. As benefactor, you have to inaugurate the new art room for the little patients. If you don't want to be late you have to leave, now!"

Robert jumped from his chair, grabbed his jacket and almost tripped over his friend while exiting the room "Thank you Bates" he said placing his arm on his shoulder "What would I do without you?"

"I really don't know, Robert" he said chuckling while watching his dear childhood friend leaving and running down the stairs.

The room was crowded, so crowded he was beginning to think the walls would explode. He had attended the event on time, offered polite smiles, shaken hands and nodded but his mind was totally elsewhere.

But it was only when the medical director, after a long speech, had invited him to cut the ribbon, that he saw something...someone.

She was standing there, dressed in a simple blue dress, red lipstick on her lips and her beautiful smile who he thought could reach her eyes. She was radiant and seemed very happy.

Robert cut absentmindedly the ribbon, his eyes fixed on her, and when the crowd applauded and started to gather around the director, he pushed himself through that mass, pulling and pushing to reach her.

He didn't know why but he had to meet her. He had to look once again in those sapphire blue eyes.

When he was near enough he started to call her "Cora, Cora!"

She turned immediately, greeting him with one of her best smiles "Mr Crawley? Do you still remember me?"

"Yes, of course" he whispered returning the smile.

"Oh...I'm so sorry...how do I have to call you now 'Milord', 'Earl'? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with your titles" she gave a small chuckle and he couldn't stop smiling.

"Robert, call me Robert please"

"Alright, if you're sure"

"More than sure. Shall we go outside? It's suffocating in here" he was surprised himself by his sudden boldness, but the room was very small indeed and he was starting to sweat.

"Yes of course. This way, please"

Cora said, indicating a glass door on her left which lead directly to the courtyard.

"So what were you doing here, Cora?"

"The medical director invited me because I'm in charge of the project to help children with autism to express themselves through art. I have a job at a art gallery, you know... and during my free time I have decided to work here as volunteer."

"It's wonderful! its amazing when people invest their time helping others, it's very inspiring and I admire you for that"

She started laughing, blushing slightly as she found his gaze "Oh well, I don't think there's very much to admire in me. But of course, if you want you can come and visit us during our class. You would be amazed by the children's ability with paint brush and colours. It helps them a lot and I'm thankful you decided to sponsor our project"

"You don't have to thank me, Cora it was my father's idea. I'm here only because he...he is..." He couldn't go on, a lump suddenly forming in his throat.

"Oh.. I am so sorry for your loss. I heard of your father's passing the evening we met and I offer you my condolences. I should have done it before."

She was looking at him directly in his eyes now, registering all the sorrow he was feeling, he looked devastated and exhausted.

"I apologise for...all this. You shouldn't see me acting like this"

"There's no guilt in showing your emotions, Robert. You lost your father, there is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Really?"

"Really! And now I should go back inside. I promised some of the parents to show them what we are going to do this year with their children" she said as she started to walk leaving him behind.

"Will I meet you again?"

She turned back smiling and said "Mmm maybe, I still have to return your umbrella, after all".

He started laughing and for the first time in weeks felt the heaviness on his chest disappear for some moments.

"What about tomorrow, then? At lunch?"

"Why not? We can meet here, just after my art lesson with the children"

"Perfect! At noon?"

"Yes, at noon"


	3. Chapter 3

**_III. You can count on me_**

 _Don't you shut your eyes_

 _Don't hide your heart behind a shadow_

 _'Cause you can count on me as long as I can breathe, you should know_

 _I'll carry you through the night, through the storm_

 _Give you love, only love in return_

 _I can't jump over buildings I'm no hero_

 _But love can do miracles_

Lyrics by Elisa "No hero"

He had invited her out and he couldn't quite believe it, but the most incredible thing was that she had said yes.

He had spent his morning thinking about her, about the feeling of comfort he had felt just walking next to her. And when he had felt that lump in his throat, she had said that showing his emotions was not a shame. Was she right? And then why did Patricia find his public display at the funeral embarrassing and had reproached him as soon as they found themselves in the library? He had to admit that he had spoken more to Cora in that half an hour, than to his girlfriend in the last year. He had been more himself with a 'stranger', even if for a short period of time, than with whom he was supposed to spend his life with.

It was so easy to talk to Cora, she had the power to understand him and to reassure him and he had felt at peace.

It was very odd, feeling so good with a girl he had seen only a couple of times. They haven't even shaken their hands and he had asked her out, he had to be fool.

Not to mention that he had to remember he had a girlfriend. Yes, a girlfriend... a girlfriend who couldn't help but criticise him, but as soon as she caught a photographer was all smiles and kisses; a girlfriend who was not interested in understanding who he really was, but only that his title was "the Earl of Grantham"; a girlfriend who had no interest in others, but only in herself; a girlfriend who would always find the way to have what she wanted, no matter how.

But he had promised his father he would have provided Downton a future and Patricia's family was his ticket. She would have participated in his company, securing a never ending income of millions of pounds.

The thing was, he didn't dislike her. She was beautiful and she could attract people and charm them until they changed their mind. She was witty and extremely rich, but he was sure he didn't love her. That's why he had tried to break off his relationship with Patricia months ago. He knew it was more a business agreement based on physical attraction than anything else, but he couldn't fail his father. Could he simply tell her he didn't love her? Could this reason be enough?

But then, the question was: what was love? The real one, the one that encompasses your heart, mind, body and soul and never lets you go. He knew it existed, he had even seen it in his sister's eyes and reflected in her husband's ones. And even supposing it could be found, was his heart capable of feeling it? He was an Earl, after all...his title, family and business had to be his priorities, as mama and papa had always taught him.

Rosamund was different, she was not the heir. Therefore she had always been entitled to more freedom.

As his parents had put it, Patricia was the best solution for him: beauty, position and money all in one. Robert being the dutiful son everyone expected him to be had followed their advice without even thinking about it. It had just obeyed as he was supposed to do. At the beginning it had been new and exciting, but soon Patricia had revealed herself for what she was: a calculating, spoilt girl.

He had almost found the courage to leave her the previous spring, but what were his chances to find another woman, preferably an heiress and fall in love with her? He was good with numbers, it was his job...the solution was none, almost none.

Today, anyway, he would have enjoyed his lunch with Cora who seemed so down to earth and always ready to help people, the exact opposite of Patricia, hoping he would have at least found a friend in her.

* * *

She had set the alarm clock earlier that morning even if it was her day off, she was excited for her first lesson of the year with "her children", as she was used to call them. They weren't exactly hers, but they really mean a lot to her and she loved them all with all her heart.

And then there was her date with Robert after the class, oh well it was not exactly a date, it was just lunch with a friendly person. She had thought about it all evening and for a great part of the night, trying to understand why she felt so at ease with a man she barely knew. She was still surprised at her behaviour when he first asked her to have a walk with him outside the hospital and then at how her mind had reacted so quickly in accepting his invitation, as it was the most natural thing to do.

Now the question was what to wear? She had to be comfortable enough to work with the children, but she had to be ready for a lunch out. After having tried half the clothes she had in her wardrobe, that now lay all scattered on her bed, she decided for a bright fuchsia sleeveless dress with a very simple bodice and plissé skirt. She would have worn her favourite black leather jacket on it which matched perfectly with her black heeled ankle boots.

Just a little touch of makeup, a little spray of perfume and she was ready to leave her apartment.

When she entered the art room the children were already there and their psychologist, Emily, who was one of the sweetest women Cora had ever met, was trying to let them become familiar with the new space.

After some little difficulties at the beginning they all reached soon their desks and began their activities. Some of them loved painting with tempera, some with ink and nib, others were making sculptures using blocks of clay. As Cora watched them all busy in their work, she found herself very happy that they could find a way to express themselves through art.

It was a concrete manifestation of themselves, something that was very hard to achieve for them, with words or human interaction.

She moved close to one of them without interfering in his work, fascinated by his ability in drawing using a charcoal pencil, his hand was making quick motions on the white sheet.

When she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, she turned in that direction and couldn't contain her surprise, letting out a loud gasp.

"Shhh" he whispered placing his index finger on his lips.

"Robert?" She breathed, her blue eyes widening in surprise.

He took her by her elbow and moved to a corner of the room not wanting to interrupt the class. It was the first time their bodies made voluntary contact, and they both had to ignore the shiver running through their spines.

"You told me I could join you and watch the children doing their activities . Is it a bad idea? Do you want me to leave? Because I don't want to disturb".

"Oh no no, you don't have to leave, I'm just surprised" she chuckled

"Why? You thought I wouldn't come, didn't you?"

"It's not that, I was expecting to see you at lunch, but this is a wonderful surprise" she replied, lowering her eyes.

He was thankful she couldn't see him, because he was staring, he was sure he was staring for he hadn't seen a more beautiful woman in his life.

"Will you show me, then, the works of your little artists?"

"Of course, come with me"

She guided him through the room and they walked silently together to watch what the children were doing.

"Cora, these are beautiful! What you are doing here with this kids is marvellous and of great importance. You care about them very much, don't you?" He was very happy and very proud knowing that his father had decided to sponsor this project.

"Thank you, Robert. But it's thanks to you and your family that we can give them this chance. They are special needs and this makes them even more special to me."

He found her eyes and could see them sparkle with the deepest affection he had ever seen.

When the class was over and the children were preparing to leave, Robert decided to help Cora tiding up the room. Without expecting it, he found a young boy standing next to him. He was handing him a sheet, it was folded in the middle and therefore Robert could not see its content. He took it and the boy ran away to his mother and as soon as they left the room, Robert opened the paper.

He was speechless, the boy had just given him a charcoal portrait. He didn't understand anything about art, but he found that it could surely be defined as a masterpiece.

"What is it?" He heard Cora ask as she was approaching him

"That boy gave me his drawing! It's the most wonderful portrait I've ever seen. I think he has captured the real essence of this woman who, I dare say, is not beautiful only outside, in her appearance, but above all she is beautiful inside."

She took the sheet in her hand and blushing deeply she muttered "Oh my God, but it's me".

Robert had reserved a table for two in that area. He didn't want to seem too forward to take her to a romantic place and that's why he had chosen an ordinary restaurant.

They had already taken their seats, ordered their food and were quietly talking about anything and everything when Robert felt he had to know her better "And so Cora, you are American?" He enquired

"Oh yes I'm from New York. And how did you manage to have unmasked me?" she laughed "I thought I had learnt to pronounce the words the way Brits do. What did I pronounce wrong?"

He started to blush "Hum...well almost everything, but most of all the way you say my name"

"Oh well I'll call you Joe, if you don't like the way I pronounce _Robert_ " she teased him, feigning to be offended.

"Oh no, please don't. Because I like the way you pronounce it very much"

They began to laugh happily together.

"And you Robert, what do you do in your life, apart from being the Earl of Grantham?" They started to chuckle together again "Oh well, I work at my family's company, we provide financial services to big private companies and we own a quite grand estate in Yorkshire"

"Oh, so you spend your day calculating and making previsions for others...it has to be quite stressful."

Robert noticed how her eyes widened in surprise every time she learnt something new about him, or his life and that made his heart skip several bits.

"It is, now. One month ago everything was different or at least it was better. I just had to do my work, while now everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to make some irreparable mistake"

She smiled sadly at him and her heart broke. He was feeling alone and under great pressure and she knew from her life in America how it felt like. Being only judged for your choices in life, for your decisions at work; being constantly under the spotlight. She felt she would embrace him, if she could.

"I understand how you must feel, Robert. I wish I could help you"

He lifted his eyes from his plate, unable to eat what the waiter had just brought them and looked at her, the blink in her eyes told him she understood him, she _really_ understood him.

She never left his gaze, it was like his eyes were talking to her across the table, telling her all the feelings he had buried in his heart: sadness, grief, sense of inadequacy and something she could describe only as great sense of responsibility.

She partially recognised herself in him. She knew all too well how it felt when one has all the weight of his/her parents' expectations upon his/her shoulders. When she was younger and she couldn't bear that felling anymore, she had taken the decision to leave her family to finally be herself. She had gone through a great sadness and a sense of betrayal towards her family before making the decision that changed her life, but now she could see in his eyes that it was not in Robert's character to come up with something like that. As far as she could understand, he would have never chosen anything against his family's will.

She gently placed her cutlery on the plate and stood up, she was almost sure neither of them would have finished their meal that day.

"Let's have a walk outside Robert." She said and he seemed slightly confused. He stood up, paid their bill and five minutes later they were pacing the streets of London.

They walked side by side until they reached Gordon Square Garden and Cora's pace began to slow down as soon as her feet touched the soft grass.

Robert suddenly grab her wrist and she turned facing him.

"Cora?" He asked, never leaving her wrist that his gentle fingers could encircle so easily.

"I felt you needed a quieter place to talk. Aren't you feeling comfortable now?"

She was right, and he didn't even know how she could have felt his discomfort while they were sitting at that table. It was true, he wanted to talk to her, it felt so good to talk to Cora; somehow he knew she would have understood him.

"I'm much more comfortable now, thank you...the thing is...you are right. But how did you know I wasn't feeling at ease in that restaurant?"

"Because I saw it in your eyes and I want to help you. I don't want you to feel that way" her voice sounded like a whisper, but she was serious, almost hurt.

Robert was completely speechless. How could it be that the wonderful girl which was standing in front of him and that he had seen three times in his entire life could understand him more deeply than his own family, sensing things he wasn't even able to feel?

His hands began to tremble, he had to try to let the adrenaline of this new discovery fade away, so he placed her hand in the crook of his arm and started walking again.

"You see Robert, what you feel is completely natural. You don't have to be afraid of your sorrow. I know it's hard, because you have recently experienced a loss a person can never forget. And it seems people are constantly judging you and waiting for you to make a mistake. They try to make you feel inadequate about being the boss now. You are a different person from your father and you have to make your own decisions, based on your experience but you don't have to let this people make you feel this way. You probably need a bit of support in this moment, but I'm sure you have some good friends in your company too, haven't you?"

"Yes I do" he said recalling immediately the unmistakable face of his childhood friend John Bates "I am particularly close to one of them. We've been friends since the elementary school"

"Good. So when you are feeling sad, because a piece of your heart will always belong to your father, you can always count on your friends. You only have to ask...And you can always count on me if you feel sad."

She lowered her eyes on the grass, suddenly regretting her last sentence, when he stopped their walking and put his hands on her waist. He turned her so that now they were face to face, inches apart, as the first time they met. But this time there were no books to collect and no rain wetting their cheeks.

As soon as his hands found her waist, she put hers on his chest and when their eyes met, the connection between them started to flow and there was no way to stop it.

"I know I can rely on my friends, but they can't understand...not really. Not as much as you do. After my father's passing, I was feeling like a ship without destination. But then I met you and thanks to you now, I do not feel alone"

She nodded, it was the same for her. She felt as she could not stay away from him. She wanted to protect him and to free him from all his sorrows.

They stared at one another for untold minutes, melting in all the feelings they were able to convey and then in complete agreement their lips found each other.

They had been both kissed before, quite a lot of time, but this was something entirely different. It was the encounter between two beings that understood each other and that were meant to be together.

Holding Cora in his arms while kissing her was the most thrilling and the most familiar thing Robert could imagine. It was like he had already done it hundreds of times, yet it always felt so new. If he had to find a word to describe it, it would have been 'perfection'.

Being held and kissed by Robert for Cora felt like being in heaven. No one had ever kissed her with such respect and gentleness, as she was the most precious thing on earth.

Nothing on earth seemed to be able to brake their connection, in fact they were so happily engaged in their own little world that they didn't even notice someone was watching them.

* * *

 **Thank you everyone for your kind reviews and messages...they are life!**


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks everyone for your kind reviews and follows. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well.

Last but not least thanks to my lovely girls moonlessmondays, CountessCora and syriana94 (you know why)

* * *

 _ **IV.**_

 _ **"We don't always get our just desserts"**_

 _I want to stay in love with my sorrow_

 _Oh, but, God, I want to let it go_

 _[...]_

 _And in the end I guess I had to fall_

 _"Lithium" - Evanescence_

* * *

As soon as she closed the door behind her, throwing her bag on the nearby chair, she felt ecstatic. Perhaps she was dreaming, because she had never felt like this. Robert had kissed her and what was supposed to be a quiet lunch with a friend, had quickly become a day spent together.

They talked and talked and laughed and had so much fun that she was sure Robert had felt he was an ordinary man having a date with a girl, that day. No work, no responsibility, no eyes fixed on him: that was what he needed and she had managed to give this to him. She couldn't be happier...oh well, she could be happier just thinking about that kiss. She had never felt all her body, mind and soul responding to someone like they had done when their lips had met.

She had always thought this kind of feelings could not exist in real life, but she had just experienced them.

If this was the beginning she couldn't imagine how beautiful would be the rest. Her mind flying immediately to him: what was he doing? Was he thinking the same things? Did he feel the same?

She couldn't finish her thoughts because she heard her iPhone vibrating, she had just received a message. The answer to all her questions enclosed in a sentence.

 _"Good night, Cora! Thanks for the wonderful day we spent together, I hope it's the first one of many more to come._ _Sweet dreams. Robert"_

* * *

He had kissed a girl, he had kissed the most wonderful girl he had ever met. When his hand had touched her waist and his eyes had met hers he had suddenly felt better, the sorrow and all the sense of fear disappeared under the soft touch of her fingers. He couldn't quite recollect how, but after having looked at her and lost himself in her eyes, they had kissed.

His heart had begun to thump in his chest, he felt so alive and the first thing he wanted to do was to protect her, it seemed to him that Cora was too precious.

He had spent his day off with a girl whose surname had been a mystery to him, until half an hour ago; when he had accompanied her home and had left his eyes wander on the golden plate on her door _'Cora Elizabeth Levinson'._

But now he had to struggle with his own conscience, which in the silence of his bedroom screamed only one word ' _traitor_ '.

Yes it was true. He had cheated on Patricia, kissing Cora, and he was at fault with Cora because he didn't tell her about his girlfriend. It's not that he didn't want to tell her about his girlfriend, it's just that he had completely forgotten about her.

Weighing up his feelings, there was no basis for comparison. What he had experienced with Patricia in the last 2 years, could not be compared to what Cora had woken up in him in the course of a single day.

Robert and Patricia were simply not suited. He could see it, now. Theirs was a mere business contract between their families which, in order to get money (on his side) and a title (on hers), had decided to 'sacrifice' their children.

Patricia was pretty, he had to admit it, with her blonde hair and blue eyes, but there was no gentleness in her. The only things that counted for her were money, expensive gifts and a position in society.

He had tried to make things work between them, he had tried so hard during the last year, but there has to be mutual cooperation to achieve something in a relationship. She kept promising him she would have tried, but obviously she was not interested in being at least content with him, all her promises had vanished all too soon.

The last straw, that was making Robert doubt so much about them, had been her behaviour with him when his father had died and he had become the new Earl. She was embarrassed by his pain. She should have comforted him, but the only thing she was capable to give him was reprimand.

And then he had met Cora who could read his heart and his mind so easily, who had taught him in one day that having feelings was not a bad thing and showing them, allowing others to help us was not a shame. On the contrary, it was the chance to know ourselves better and to grow stronger than before.

What was he supposed to do now?

He didn't want to renounce Cora, because now that he had found her, he couldn't help but think he wanted to know her better. But he had promised his father he would have secured Downton with a future, which could only be achieved with a large amount of money that Patricia's family would have brought into their company. Could he possibly convert Downton into a location for events and meetings? Or open the estate to the public in order to get more money? He had heard that things like this were very sought-after now a days. After all, they were not in danger, but they could not risk to lose the Abbey.

He had to find a solution which could provide the company with more external investments and more money. Marrying Patricia now seemed to him a nonsense. How did he get to this conclusion only now? Why was he doubting himself? The thing that scared him the most, being a over-thinker himself, was that he had simply done what his parents thought best - without thinking – as he was a man with no chance at all. And what about happiness or even _falling in love_ with a woman? That kind of selfless, encompassing feeling that makes the heart run wild in your chest and makes your life complete?

He had never experienced it directly, but he had very well seen its effect on his sister's marriage with Marmaduke. Could he perhaps find it as well?

He had to talk to Patricia and set her free, free from a life neither of them was forced to live anymore. Maybe she wouldn't even get angry. Usually she only got angry when she didn't have what she wanted. He remembered all too vividly what she did last Christmas when, despite she kept leaving suggestions folding the pages of the jewellery's catalogue, Robert had bought her the wrong gift. The icy look on her face was probably bound to never leave his mind. Subsequently he felt forced to buy her what she wanted some days after.

Maybe this time she would have felt the same relief he was feeling.

This was the best thing to do, for everyone.

Grabbing his smartphone he first sent a good night message to Cora and then, when he was about to type another one for Patricia to tell her they needed to talk, he acknowledged that in the meantime he had received one and it was exactly from his girlfriend.

 _"We need to talk. Meet me at Downton tomorrow at 5pm"._

* * *

When Robert stepped inside the library it was ten minutes after 5pm.

During the course of the day, he had tried to understand why Patricia had required his presence at Downton, after all it was his home, but the more he tried to think about it, the more confused he was.

"You're late" she spoke when he entered the room.

"I'm sorry, I got stuck in the traffic" he moved towards her to greet her, but as soon as he reached her, she moved away.

"You should work less and care for your family more" the unmistakable voice of his mother was raising from the settee.

"Oh Mama! I didn't notice you" he rushed his pace in her direction and gave her a small kiss on the cheek "May I ask you to leave us alone? I would like to speak with Patricia in private"

"She doesn't have to leave, Robert. She knows everything... we know everything" it was his girlfriend who now was speaking to him with her hands on her hips and fire in her eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you Robert! I saw you yesterday in the park with _that_ girl...oh what a heartbreaking scene!"

Robert blushed deeply, he was ashamed...it was not like him cheating on someone.

He took his time to think and then moved his eyes to the soft rug beneath his feet "Yes, I admit it. It's true and I wanted to talk to you about this."

He couldn't see her face, but her tone was harsh when he heard her reply "Speak now and tell everything you wanted to tell, because afterwards there is something I wish to tell you"

So that was it. The conversation he was so uncertain about, had to happen in front of his own mother. It was absurd!

"Do we have to do this in front of Mama? Can't we talk about it in private?"

"No" his mother interrupted "I know what you did and I have all the right to hear what you have to say about it"

Seeing that he couldn't win this battle, but certain that he wanted to win the "war", he cleared his throat and taking a deep breath he continued "What I did yesterday was not the right thing to do. It's not right for you, for me or that girl. I should have told you and it's all my fault. But you see, Patricia, the thing is... we are not suited for each other. We are not happy and I'm afraid we will never be. What we have is neither affection, nor love; but a mere business agreement between our families. We have tried to let things work between us, but I think it's time we accept that we can't go on with this relationship."

He hoped everything was cleat now, he felt relieved. But the look on Patricia's face was very far from being satisfied with his great announcement.

"So, are you leaving me Robert? Are you leaving me for that... _that American woman_?"

Robert sensed his eyes grow wide in astonishment, he wasn't even able to move. "What? How do you know she is American? I don't recall having told you that."

Robert's heart began to thump quickly in his chest, how did I she know? His eyes moving quickly from Patricia's almost triumphant face and Violet's hard stare.

A strange grin forming on hi girlfriend's face, which was turning into a grimace as the seconds went by.

"Honestly I thought you were smarter than this. Do you have the slightest idea whom you were kissing under that tree, Robert? Do you know who she is?"

He was beginning to feel hot and cold at the same time, he was terribly confused , but tried to sound as firm as possible "I beg your pardon?"

"Robert stop this ridiculous farce at once!" Now it was his mother's turn to speak "How could you be so foolish! First of all you are having an affair and second with whom? For goodness sake! With all the girls you could find..." He noticed Violet's voice was trembling slightly, but he couldn't tell for sure if it was for anger or uneasiness.

At his mother's accusation, he couldn't stop himself anymore. He could feel his blood boil in his veins and he started pacing the library, the few meters which separated him and his mother from Patricia, back and forth "I'm not having an affair, Mama! And I don't care if she is just an ordinary middle class girl!"

His back was still turned from his mother, but he could feel her cold stare on his back "I'm not talking about her lineage, Robert!"

"Then why is everyone so interested in Cora now?"

Turning quickly on his heels and acknowledging the disgust on Violet's face he thought he know what was her point: "Oh please, don't start saying she hasn't got any money or that she is not English because honestly Mama we are not living in the nineteenth century anymore". Now that the words were out of his mouth he found himself believing them.

Looking at his mother so imperious giving him a piece of her mind from the sofa and in front of him Patricia with a satisfied smile plastered on her face, he felt trapped. All at once the library seemed so small and suffocating. Why accusing him with the help of his mother just for a kiss?

"You don't really know who she is? Haven't you read the newspapers in the last few years?" His mother asked in a matter of fact manner.

He couldn't tell where the conversation was going, so not even knowing what to say in response, he tried to defend himself as better as he could. "Of course I read newspapers, but not the ones you usually read"

An awkward silence followed soon, broke again by the low voice of his mother.

"Cora Levinson is the eldest daughter of Isidore Levinson, heiress of half of all his fortunes. She came here to study art some years ago and never left England since then. Does the name _'Levinson Corporation'_ tell you something?"

Violet's revelation came to Robert like a cold shower "You mean _that_ 'Levinson Corporation'?" he was completely flabbergasted while he was staring at his mother who nodded her assent.

Why did Cora not mention she was a rich American heiress? She must have had some good reasons. He took a mental note to ask her later, this was not the right time to think about it.

His train of thought was soon interrupted by Patricia who was more triumphant than ever.

"Oh Robert, I'm so sorry to wake you up from your fairy tale dream, but..."

Still looking at the two women plotting against him he couldn't let this go on. He raised his right arm in front of him, gesturing like if he wanted Patricia to stop "Now wait a minute...you have summoned me here to tell me that Cora is an American heiress?"

The young woman in front of him rolled her eyes and quickly resumed her radiant smile exchanging a look with Violet "You silly man", she said after a devilish laughter escaped her lips "Of course not!"

"May I ask why, then?"

"You see Robert, you are here because I think you have to marry me, now" Patricia spoke, tapping her foot on the floor as she was impatient to tell something.

"What? I do not intend to marry you. I thought it was clear" he replied in frustration raising his eyes to the beautifully decorated ceiling of the room.

"Of course you will marry me, because I'm _pregnant_!" Patricia made every possible effort to speak the last word as loudly as she could.

He thought his heart had suddenly stopped beating in his chest.

" What? Pregnant?"he asked, the words leaving his mouth louder than he intended them to.

"Yes! Pregnant! Is it difficult to understand?" He felt his head spin, the library had soon transformed into a rollercoaster. His mouth fell agape and he had to put his hand on the cold marble that adorned the fireplace to steady himself. His hand balled into a tight fist.

"Are you sure?" he asked after a while in a whisper.

"Of course I'm sure! Are you suggesting I'm a liar?" she spat at him with such brutality he suddenly felt as the weight of the world had just been put on his shoulders.

"No of course not! It's just... I don't understand honestly...you said it couldn't happen...you said you were on the pill" He couldn't believe he was saying those things, above all in front of his mother. But he was not a simpleton. He would have never slept with a woman not caring about the consequences.

"Robert, there's your child inside my belly and you are treating me like this!?" At this point she was furious, but he was disappointed –above all to himself- and shocked.

And what was he supposed to do now? He would have surely acknowledged his child, but there was no need to get married.

He had to convince her, therefore he tried to explain his point of view in the most delicate manner he could. Trying very hard to keep his frustration at bay "Patricia, this is a bit absurd! I'm not treating you badly...I'm shocked and above all I didn't even know it"

"No Robert, now I'll tell you what is absurd! That you are kissing a girl in a park, leaving your pregnant girlfriend at home." She kept yelling at him, like she was feeling he was slipping away from her and was trying to grab him, somehow.

"Patricia, please take a sit. I need some time to think. I'm sorry if I raised my voice earlier, but my decision remains the same. I can't marry you. I will of course help you and my child with everything I can but that's all. I will do everything that it's in my power for my child, but we can't get married. We would be unhappy, you know it...you are not happy when you are with me and our child would be forced to live seeing his parents barely tolerating each other. Is this you want for our child?" He tried to be as calm as he could, he was afraid that all this shouting and stressing would have damaged his baby.

Having reached Violet on the sofa, she spoke accusingly. Her best defence, after all, had always been attacking. "I'm afraid you'll be very disappointed when I'll ruin _your_ reputation and _your_ family showing these pictures to the press, not to mention the scandal which is going to explode in America, too and that will certainly damage _her_ family" She was handling him some photos of Cora and him kissing in the park the day before, her satisfied smile still on her lips "What would people think? I can already see the titles on the newspapers: _'The stoic Lord Grantham having an affair while his poor pregnant future wife is at home.' 'The impeccable Robert Crawley having fun with his American mistress'_. Let's see what your customers and investors will think. Do you think they are going to trust you and your company again? Do you think your company and the 'Levinson Corporation' won't be damaged?"

Robert couldn't believe his ears, she was starting to getting on his nerves. He would have excused her if it were for the pregnancy, but he knew all too well this had nothing to do with her present condition. This was Patricia at her best. "You can't do that. You are not so selfish" he was stammering incoherently. Due to the great shock, he couldn't think right now, first the pregnancy, now the pictures...all her words poisoning his mind.

"Robert, I always get what I want, in one way or another, you should know it"

She was batting her eyelashes and gesturing with her hands as this was an undeniable truth. Pregnancy or not, he yelled at her "Not this time!"

His index finger was still moving lightly up and down, pointing in the direction of her nose, when she spat at him again "Oops" she covered her mouth with her hand feigning surprise "Haven't I told you? It seems that your Mama and I have already informed the press about our engagement and impending marriage. The happy news should be broadcast in the next few minutes, if I'm right"

"No, this cannot be! Mama..." he couldn't even find the words to finish his statement.

He looked at his mother in horror, she gave him a small nod to let him know it was all true.

"You have made a serious mistake, Robert. And as you should know, family duties come in many forms. And if you want to blame someone, I suggest you blame yourself"

He didn't care about it now, he would have blamed himself later for this. His head was so full of emotions he thought it would explode. But he knew he would have blamed himself even more for there was a person 350 km away from him whom he was hoping she was not watching tv or any social medias and that he had to reach as soon as possible to explain her the real situation face to face.

"Oh my God...Cora!" He whispered closing the door shut behind his back.

Switching his car on and driving as fast as he could, he had only one thought in his mind: Cora. He had to talk to her, tell her that he had a girlfriend who now was carrying his child and was trying to blackmail him. He grabbed his phone and connected it to his car and tried to call Cora again and again but she didn't answer. In the meantime he had also called his lawyer Murray explaining him the situation and requiring a private meeting to see if there were good chances to hush everything up. He didn't want to risk a scandal neither for his family nor for Cora's who was the one who would have paid the highest price and she was the last person on earth who deserved such treatment. He kept calling her, hoping she would answer sooner or later, after all he had to drive for 3 hours and a half, but now her phone had been switched off and Robert was beginning to panic.


	5. Chapter 5

_**V.**_

 _ **"A cool goodbye"**_

there's a crack in my voice

there's a crack in my heart

the foundation is crumbling

I'm falling apart

[...]

I've learned my lesson

I've been to school

you were the teacher

I was the fool

well how do you do it

baby what is your trick

you make it look easy

the kiss and the kick

a shrug of the shoulder

a wink of the eye

and a cool goodbye

 _Gretchen Peters " A cool goodbye"_

Cora couldn't be happier that evening. She had received a lot of compliments for the last exhibition she had organised, she was so glad her hard work was starting to be recognised. She had put all herself into it and she was so happy she had a job which could so fully satisfy her and then there was the charity work at the hospital; knowing she could be of little help and comfort to those families and children filled her heart with joy. To make it even a better evening, she he had received some messages from Robert, she thought they were the sweetest things she had ever read. He had told her he wanted to see her again and that he would have liked to talk to her in the next two or three days. She knew it was only the beginning of something, but everything was so strong and powerful she felt overwhelmed at the thought.

She had never felt like this before, so maybe this time " _he_ " was the right one.

Smiling happily she put her sandwich on the tray and sat on the couch, already dressed in her cupcakes-printed pyjamas.

She switched the tv on, hoping it was not too late for one of those Julian Fellowes' period dramas she liked so much.

Fortunately it was still early and she decided to watch some newscasts in the meantime.

She found one that was already half finished, but it was better than nothing anyway.

 _"And now last but not least a piece of news that has arrived only a few hours ago. The Crawley family is very pleased to announce the engagement between Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham and Miss Patricia Gray"_

What happened next she couldn't quite remember, everything was so distant, yet so true. It was a mixture of blurred vision from tears, sense of dizziness, heartbreak and deep emptiness while she watched the pictures that portrayed Robert and his fiancée passing rapidly in front of her eyes.

In that precise moment her iPhone started to ring, looking at the name on the display she felt worse and rushed to the bathroom.

The telephone kept ringing for what it seemed like an eternity, then she decided to switch it off.

Did Robert really think she wanted to speak with him? She had been used, he had taken advantage of her and of her kind heart. Why did she always have to be so stupid? Why? She felt her world crumble at her feet. Why had Robert done this to her?

She went straight to her bedroom and she wrapped herself up in her sheets, she embraced her pillow tightly, trying to feel comforted; but nothing seemed to work. It was like her heart had been squeezed by an invisible hand, she felt cold, so cold she started to tremble. She knew she didn't have to act that way, they had only kissed and spent a wonderful time together, but she had felt a strong connection between them. Until that moment she thought Robert felt the same about her. But the thing she blamed Robert more for, was the fact that he hadn't told her he was engaged and soon to be married. She thought he was free, that was the reason why she had let him kiss her that day. She felt so sorry for his fiancée, she was not the kind of girl who ruined marriages even before they had started. Now that she had been crying on her bed for so long, the first veil of disappointment was fading away and it was soon replaced by anger, yes she was angry because she felt used by him.

The sound of a loud knocking at the front door suddenly woke her from her sad thoughts.

"Cora! It's Robert, may I come in?"

Oh God! She couldn't quite believe it! How dare he?

"GO AWAY!" She shouted from her bedroom.

Damn! She had already heard the news and he was desperate, desperate to tell her everything, desperate for the horrible situation in which he had put himself and unconsciously also her.

"Cora please open the door... I want to speak with you... I want you to know"

She got up from the bed, she didn't want to shout at him again, she didn't want her neighbours to hear all this, therefore she moved closer to the door, her cheek on the wooden panel.

"I already know everything, Robert" she stated as loud as she could, tears again streaming down her face.

"No Cora please let me in, I have something to tell you"

She could sense he was desperate, he was exhausted and sad, but she just couldn't.

"Robert, please don't make it more difficult...at least for me. You have to go now"

At her words she heard a dull thump, it was like something had just hit the floor.

"Cora please open the door...You have to know, please you have to know" She couldn't let him there and she wanted to hear his explanations, even if she couldn't understand what was left to say and she opened the door.

The scene she found in front of her eyes spoke for itself. She saw a man in his dark grey suit, half lit by the moon and the street lights, shaking heavily under the weight of his own sobs and he was on his knees.

As soon as she opened the door he looked up at her, his tears glimmering in the light "Come inside, Robert" she said taking his hand. He seemed defeated.

She guided him towards her couch and let him sit down with her.

She passed him her box full of Kleenex. Neither of them seemed willing to speak now, but he took a deep breath and started first.

"Cora I...I assume you have heard the news tonight" his tone reflecting the destroyed look upon his face.

" Yes, I have" she replied looking at her hands.

"You have to know that none of that is my decision. But first of all I want to apologise to you for having omitted the truth, but..."

"But what?" She interrupted her voice was low and rusty, her words spat at him like they were poison "There's no excuse for what you did. You haven't omitted the truth, Robert, you have used me! Which is a totally different situation! Why have you done this to me? Why?" Her eyes wide open, and her bright blue eyes were throwing darts at him, she was an independent woman for god's sake, she didn't need to waste her time with people thinking she was just a pretty face.

"No Cora ...I swear that I have never used you. I should have told you that I had a girlfriend, that is true. But the reason I didn't do it it's because I do not love her and I wanted to break with her"

She rolled her eyes and sighed in frustration "Robert please, I don't need you to fool me. What am I for you? What _was_ I for you? Now, I tell you what I think. I'm nothing for you! You needed a sort of distraction from your ordinary life and you have seen this poor girl who seemed genuinely interested in you and you had just taken advantage of me. And now I'm here like a stupid listening to all your lies. I don't even know why I let you come inside!"

He didn't expect her to react like that, she was furious and he knew she had every right to be. "You were not a distraction..." his eyes lifting from their focus on her trembling hands and making contact with hers "...and I'm not lying"

"Ah no? Do you know how many times I have seen my brother doing this? Do you know how many times he had omitted he already had a girlfriend? I'm quite used to this kind of men, but I'm not the kind of girl who steals others' boyfriends. I thought you were genuinely feeling something for me, but of course you don't care. You don't care about me, you don't care about your girlfriend and I feel so ashamed. I feel so terribly ashamed. I thought you were a good man, but what we had was just a kiss, wasn't it? A stupid kiss!"

"Cora please listen, because I have a lot of things to explain you, and I'd do anything to have your forgiveness. But please believe me when I say that I care about you and what we had was not a stupid kiss, it was much more than that." He tried to cover her hand with his, but she shrugged it off horrified.

"How dare you ask me to believe in you, after all this?" her hands now dropping from her lap in defeat.

"Because you deserve to know the truth and besides you are not the only one who has a broken heart now. Do you think I would have driven like a mad for 198 miles if I didn't care about you?" He lifted his gaze to meet her eyes and took her hand in his and this time she let him. "I won't lie to you, Cora."

It take her several minutes to calm down, his hand so warm and reassuring, yet so unsettling in her own. "Okay, I'm listening. I'll give you a chance to explain but you have to promise me you are going to tell me the truth."

Squeezing her hand tightly he started to tell her the story of how his parents had recommended him to date Patricia because her family wanted to invest in his company and they needed money, their financial situation was not in danger, but the risk of losing their estate in Yorkshire was frightening them. He told her about how different his girlfriend was from him and that she was only interested in having a position in society; that they didn't love each other even if he had tried so hard to make things work and aimed, at least, at being content with her. But she didn't want any of this. She just wanted him because of his title. And that since he had met Cora and spent his time with her he wanted to leave Patricia, a decision that was already in his mind for quite some time, but that he didn't dare to take because he had promised his father and because he thought he would have never found someone who truly loved him for who he was. Usually when he met someone, people were immediately attracted by the resonance of his title and his way of life. They were attracted by the Earl of Grantham, not by Robert. Patricia was the living proof of it. While Cora, on the other hand, had been the first one who had showed him she was interested in him and not in the part he had to play in society.

She let him finish, listening carefully to every little detail he had wanted to reveal with his words or even with his gestures. Cora could feel he was feeling uncomfortable, but she had to ask him anyway.

"I still don't understand why you want to marry her. Is it for the money?" Cora asked, she felt sorry for Robert who seemed so wretchedly unhappy, but she still couldn't fathom the reason of this impending marriage.

"No, Cora. The thing is...Patricia is..." he still hadn't processed the news himself and was trying to figure out how to tell her. He paused unable to put it into words.

"She is what?... Rich?" she asked wide eyed, trying to guess.

"She is pregnant" he whispered

Cora's heart started to beat faster and faster "Oh my God!" she murmured, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth, the loss of his touch producing a shiver through her spine "So, you are marrying her for the baby?"

He shook his head, hoping she would let him finish with the story "No, this is not the real reason. This evening when I wanted to speak with her to break up, she told me she was pregnant."

"So you didn't know you were to be a father until some hours ago, did you? And how could you have announced the marriage to the press, then?" she wittily interjected.

He nodded, Cora was clever and was already probably guessing there was more "That is the point. I told her I would have acknowledged the baby, but that I was not willing to marry her. But she had something she could use against me and above all against you"

"What?" she couldn't contain her surprise

"Yes, she had probably followed us while we were in the park and took pictures of us...together...kissing. She told me she would have used them against me and against your family in America. She had threatened to ruin us all and I couldn't allow it. It's all my fault and you don't deserve it, I couldn't let her damage your reputation and your family's business. But when I was trying to figure something out she just blurted out that she, in total accordance with my mother, had already informed the press that we were getting married and that if I refused she would have given the pictures to the newspapers"

"How could she? She is blackmailing us all to force you to marry her! What did you say?" Cora's heart at this point was hammering in her chest

"Well, at that point my only thought were you. I've just run away, jumped in my car and driven like a mad to come here."

His words brought a small smile to her face, after all he cared for her "Robert...why is she doing all this? She doesn't even know me?"

He laughed sadly at her words remembering the odd conversation with his mother and his fiancée "If there's one person who didn't know who you were, well... that was me. But now I do, because my mom and Patricia know very well who you are. They told me you are the daughter of Isidore Levinson of the famous 'Levinson Corporation'."

She sighed "Yes, it is true. I am his daughter"

He swallowed weighting for a moment his question "And why haven't you mentioned it?"

She felt herself grow sad at the thought, she had never told anyone, but Robert had been honest with her therefore she went on, a timid smile appearing on her lips "Because when people understand that I'm a rich American heiress, they are no more interested in me, as Cora...They only think that I'm the usual spoilt girl who is interested in money and has done nothing in her life. But I'm not like that. That's why I left America, because I was always under the spotlight. But when I came here..well after a while, I became a common girl, like all the others, and it felt so good I decided to stay."

After some seconds she spoke again, while Robert was probably still dealing with her previous confession "Well, now that all the truth has been said and if, as you told me, she doesn't love you, why does she want to marry you?"

"She doesn't want to marry me, she just wants to be known as 'the Countess of Grantham'...it's my title the thing that she wants. And as she has reminded me some hours ago, she always gets what she wants"

"So, are you going to marry her anyway?" she couldn't believe him. Surely he had thought of something.

As the question was asked he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, again "On my way here, I've already explained the situation to my lawyer and he is not positive we could stop her. I have a meeting with him tomorrow, but he hasn't given me any chances. After all Patricia doesn't need money, that means we can't buy her silence and I don't want to ruin my company or my family...I cannot risk a scandal, Cora. I know you understand that"

Robert was scratching his scalp, passing his hand nervously on his hair. She acknowledge his despair and helplessness, but she couldn't help but being harsh with him. She couldn't bear to look at that man who was not willing to fight. "No, I don't understand. I really do not understand. Don't you think it would be better to face all this, than to marry her because she is blackmailing you?" her tone was firm when she asked.

He could guess where she was trying to lead the conversation, but he had already thought about all the possible solutions on his way to her home. He let his hand drop from the top of his head and fall on his lap "But Cora what would people think? What would my investors think of me?"

Robert's unwillingness to look at the ordeal from another point of view was unnerving her. "Do you think I would care about what they think? We did nothing bad, Robert...we haven't killed anyone. It was just a kiss...in some weeks everything would be back to normal...it's not a great scandal" her voice raising once again. It was all so simple to her. If only he was willing to listen. If only he was willing to oppose his mother and Patricia.

Robert had tried to stay calm but his temper was getting the best of him. He didn't want to, but he was tired and sad and wasn't even thinking straight anymore. So he increased the tone of his voice, anyway "For people like me, for a family like mine this is a _great_ scandal! We're not living in America, Cora. I'm an Earl...we are noble class people, things like these matter, to be honest they matter a lot. And I don't want to be remembered as the first Crawley who ruined his family and his business for a woman"

And awkward silence fell on them, she knew there was no point in persuading him. He had already taken the decision, he was going to marry this girlfriend of his to protect his family and his business.

She stood up and he followed her to the door. Somehow she had to protect herself and the best shield she had at the moment was sending him away.

Her back was still turned to him "If this is what you want, Robert, I won't stop you. Congratulations, then."

She turned to face him and shook his hand coldly.

In that moment he knew he had lost her, even before he was given the chance to truly know who she was, Even though, he was sure she had already showed him how independent and strong she was. He appreciated her even more now.

"Cora, please. Can't we part as friends?" he asked and tightened his grip on her chilled hand. The last effort to have her in his life anyway. A pathetic effort, but he had to try.

She gently removed her hand from his grasp and with all the strength left in her heart she replied "No, we can't. I won't stay here watching you marrying her because you haven't got the courage to face reality. I don't want to see you anymore and I really think you should go, now."


	6. Chapter 6

_**VI**_

 _ **Hostage**_

Emotional blackmail

that's your specialty

it doesn't work for me

a double-faced joker

with an evil side

like a Jekyll-Hyde

you won me over

but you couldn't deliver

you're just a taker disguised as a giver

you can't hold me hostage

can't tie me up in chains

not gonna make me stay

(...)

you tried controlling me

nobody's on to me

only sin your eyes

from your lips only lies

you can't hold me hostage

 _Giorgia "Hostage" È l'amore che conta_

As the weeks passed by Cora found herself thinking about Robert and what had happened between them. He kept sending her texts to check how she was, if she was working or if the project with the children at the hospital was running smoothly. She had always replied politely and even tried to be a little cold and detached. She had tried to work more, she had tried to distract herself, she had tried to have some fun with her friends and her colleagues but he was always in her mind.

Damn! She couldn't believe it! She hated him, in a way, for his decision, but on the other hand when she thought about his eyes, the way they had shimmered when he had placed his hands on her hips, the way her body had reacted under his touch, the way his lips had found hers and that kind of 'electricity' she had felt when they kissed, she knew Robert had felt it, too.

She was not the kind of woman who believed neither in fairytales, nor in love at first sight, honestly she wasn't even sure she believed in love...it seemed so very difficult to achieve. She had seen lots of her friends declaring they were in love, but unfortunately everything had ended badly and she had to try to mend their broken hearts for weeks.

But what was it then? What did she feel for Robert?

Why did her heart run so fast even now that she was sure he would never come back to her? Why with all her previous boyfriends she did not feel this way?

She was almost sure of what it was, but what was the point in keeping thinking about someone who was going to marry someone else? He had said he wanted to avoid a huge scandal which would have torn two families apart and moreover there was a baby...Robert's child, the thought made her stomach sick and her heart break.

By now she thought she knew the answer to her previous inner questions very well, probably his feelings were not as strong as hers. Because she would have faced the scandal, she was sure she would have; she was a strong willed woman, she had worked so hard to achieve what she had in her life now. She had had to stand up against everyone, even against her own family to come to England...what was this supposed 'scandal' in comparison? Nothing.

Anyway, there was no reason to go on with all this overthinking, she had to move on with her work and with her life.

In that moment she heard her phone ringing. It was her colleague, Simon Bricker who texted her to know if she wanted to go to see a new exhibition on the late works of Piero della Francesca. At first she was about to decline, but after some minutes she decided she could at least try, she had to do something else than commiserate herself all day for what could have been, but was not meant to be.

She had to do it, if not for herself, as an act of spite towards Robert. She felt stupid, because maybe he wouldn't even know that she was dating someone, but she was so desperate that her first thought was to make him suffer.

She sent Simon her answer, gladly accepting his invitation.

She would not have waited alone to look at the pictures of Robert and his wife during the wedding, which would have certainly populated the newspapers in a little more than a week. She knew she would have cried, but she had to keep her mind busy, she could not let her heart prevail her brain, at least in the meantime.

—-

Robert had spent the last weeks in a sort of trance, it was like his body was moving, but his head was totally somewhere else.

The marriage arrangements had been already decided, no one had even had the decency to ask him, but he didn't mind; to be honest he was quite relieved. He had thought he could have at least chosen his wedding clothes, but he had been wrong again. Mama and his future wife had already planned everything in detail. Oh well, not everything because when Mama and Patricia had reminded him he had to give his future wife the family engagement ring that had belonged to his grandmother, he had refused. He said he wanted to buy her a new one, and so he did, because she wouldn't have liked the style of the family ring. Violet had tried to force him, but he had been adamant on this matter. The Crawley engagement ring was securely kept in a safe. The real reason was that his fiancée didn't deserve it, it held too many memories, it had been destined to someone special, to someone very important that could not obviously be her. He would have given it to his child instead.

Since Patricia had said she was carrying his baby he had tried to accompany her to the visit and scan, he wanted to see his baby, he was a father. Unfortunately the appointment had coincided with a very important meeting he had to attend. He had told her he would have shifted the date of his business meeting, but she had started to laugh, explaining him he wouldn't have understand anything, that it was 'a women's thing' and there would have been other occasions.

Once he got home and asked her if everything was alright, he had tried to place his hands on her stomach, but she had immediately told him it was a complete nonsense since the baby was still too small to kick. He didn't mind, he just wanted to pamper his unborn baby, he wanted him/her to know that he was there. The disgusted look on her face told him what she did not want to say openly.

He had to lock himself in the bathroom, punching the hard wall. Carrying his child disgusted her, but she wanted his title nevertheless.

How could she be so heartless?

Why didn't he leave her months ago when he didn't have the responsibility of a child? Easy...because he had to play the part of the dutiful son and moreover because he hadn't met Cora.

From that moment he started to blame himself even more, not for the baby itself because he already loved it, but he couldn't stop thinking of what it would have felt like if it were Cora who was carrying his child.

He could almost see her smiling radiantly, talking softly to their baby, and looking at him in full adoration when he would have caressed her belly.

That girl had really stricken him, she populated his mind constantly and the worst thing ever was that she had said she didn't want to see him again and that he was going to marry Patricia the following week.

One week and he would have been a married man, a husband to a wife he barely tolerate.

At least there was something good which was going to happen in the next months: he would have been a father. He couldn't wait to see and to hold his child for the first time.

This was the only thought that helped him go on, and then there was Cora for whom he prayed every night she would change her mind letting him be her friend. She was still the only person he had met in his life who, apart from being incredibly beautiful and sweet, had _really_ understood him.

Her absence was hurting him more than he could have thought.

—

Cora was walking with her hand on the crook of Simon's arm, she was smiling and she was laughing but everything felt so distant.

The Della Francesca's exhibition was extraordinary, she thought she could have spent her life examining those paintings, but she kept thinking only one thing: three days, three days until Robert's wedding. Every time she thought about it she felt like fainting, but now walking the rooms with Simon, she had to stay strong. Robert will never be hers and she had to accept it, she would have liked to have the chance to get to know him better and from what he had said that night she had meant something for him, too. But he had to choose and he had chosen to protect his family from scandal. He had sworn black and blue that he wasn't in love with the mother of his child, but deep inside Cora could not forgive him.

Now, she found herself visiting an exhibition, talking and trying to have fun with someone who was only a replacement and she just wanted to go away.

Simon was not unpleasant, on the contrary he knew everything about Piero Della Francesca, he was entertaining and always charming.

He was really interested in Cora, she knew it, but she could not quite understand in what way his interest tended to.

"Thank you Simon, for the opportunity you've given me! This exhibition is wonderful!"

"You're very welcome, my dear. But it's not as beautiful as you are"

He was always like that, full of compliments and with a strange grin she could not very well understand. She didn't know if she had to feel glad for all that or annoyed; for the moment she only felt terribly embarrassed.

She lowered her gaze "Simon, please. You don't have to say that"

"Why not? If I'm the luckiest man in the world for having you here with me", he replied placing his hand on hers and caressing her knuckles.

She laughed because she didn't know what to reply, everything felt so strange. With a quick movement he turned her, so that she was facing him and after having looked deeply in her eyes, he kissed her.

She didn't even have the chance to react, he had been too quick, his palms now resting on her waist, as Robert had done when they had kissed in the park; but from the moment Simon's lips had met hers she felt nothing. No goosebumps, no butterflies in her stomach, nothing. She had kissed him before, more or less one year ago when he had insisted so much to date her and she had finally accepted. But this time it had been even worse.

"Simon? What are you doing?" She was shocked, how could he kiss her without permission in the middle of a crowded room.

"I thought you wanted to" he said with his usual satisfied smile on his face. She wanted to slap him.

"Simon please stop right away. I do not want to. And now if you will excuse me..." She ran away from the building in tears and went in the direction of her apartment.

She could have taken a taxi, but she had to run faster and faster, she wanted to put as much space as possible from that man and her. She wanted to forget everything, to forget Robert and all the wonderful sensations she had felt in his arms and above all she wanted to forget this kiss that felt so wrong.

When she arrived home, she was breathless and rushed her pace to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. She dried her cheeks with her towel when she thought she heard something.

"Probably you are just imagining it" she muttered to herself.

And then again, the sound of some footsteps coming from the entrance "It can't be, I've locked the...Oh my God I didn't lock the door".

Trying to pluck up courage, she went straight to the entrance "Hello! Is there anyone?" No answer came and she could see no one "Wonderful, now I'm even imagining things" she whispered while locking the door.

After that she went to her bedroom, it was getting darker outside and she could finally change into something more comfortable and maybe have a calming bath later.

She went to her wardrobe, bringing a pair of black leggings and a white cotton sweater and placing them on her bed, when she lifted her gaze a loud gasp escaped her mouth.

"Hello Cora!" He said smiling mischievously at her.

"Simon what are you doing here?" She was surprised, but she felt a shiver running through her spine.

"I couldn't stay there without you"

"What? Are you serious?"

" I'm more than serious Cora" he said, covering the space between them with three big steps. He was so close and Cora for the first time felt her heart beat so fast, and for the second time in her life she was afraid of him.

"Simon, please you must leave. I didn't invite you here and now you have to go" her hands were already shaking, why was he here? What did he want from her?

"Oh Cora, don't try to pretend you are not interested." He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand and she felt disgusted at the thought.

"I'm afraid I'm not, Simon" she tried to move some steps backwards to regain some distance. Where had she left her iPhone? Oh gosh, it was still in her bag which certainly was hanging somewhere in the bathroom. Now she had to react, she could call no one, she had to do this on her own. Maybe she could convince him.

"Simon, I know you care for me a lot and I care for you, too but please now you have to leave" she was trying to be as strong as she could, but there was a man on her apartment and he seemed not very much willing to leave.

"Oh my sweet sweet Cora" he whispered caressing her cheek again "I know you want me as much as I want you" suddenly while he spoke those words his hands were trailing down, brushing against her breast and then his fingers came up touching the first buttons oh her shirt, beginning to unbutton them. She stilled his hands with her trembling ones "Simon please, I can't...I...I don't want to"

"You said it yourself that you care for me, didn't you? Now I'll show you how much I care for you" he embraced her so tightly she could barely breathe and then start kissing her on her mouth, down her neck.

"Simon stop please...please...stop" the more she tried to fight him, the more he tighten his embrace, but she was not one who usually gave up without fighting. She started to try to kick him and to punch him where she could, but it didn't seem to have much effect on him.

On the contrary, she felt that the more she struggled, the more aroused he became "Don't fight, my dear or it will be worse, I can assure you" and in one moment her shirt and bra were lying in shreds on the floor and grabbing her wrists tightly he started kissing her and biting her naked flesh. She was in tears, all her body was in pain, her sobs shaking her violently and she started to shout, maybe someone could hear she was in danger. She was desperate. This had to be a nightmare, it couldn't be true. Why was this happening to her?

When she tried to shout again she felt a sharp pain on her cheek and felt a hot stream of blood falling from her lower lip down her neck; he had just slapped her and now he was pushing her down on her bed, closing her mouth with his right hand. "This is it" she thought, hoping it would all end as soon as possible.

—-

Thank you to everyone who has read it, left a review and to those who are still following the kind words mean the world to me. Thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

_**VII**_

 _ **Salvation**_

Robert had invited his sister Rosamund to have dinner with them that evening. He wanted to be distracted as there were only 3 days left until his marriage. The situation between Patricia and him had improved a bit, as long as they did not mention the baby. Robert, on the contrary, was so happy for that little life he had created that he would have done anything for it. His train of thought were soon interrupted by the chime of the door bell. It could only be Rosamund. Robert hurried towards the entrance and opened the door without hesitation, smiling broadly as the joyous face of his sister appeared in front of him.

"Good evening my little brother! I came a little earlier, I hope you don't mind" she said embracing him as soon as he had opened the door.

"Hello Rosamund! Come in! We don't mind at all, do we Patricia?" He asked finally happy to have the opportunity to speak to his sister.

The annoyed voice of his fiancée could me heard from the kitchen. Obviously she wasn't even interested in greeting her future sister-in-law. "Oh well, to be honest I do mind it, and the dinner is not ready yet. So you two can sit down in the sitting room and have some time together while I finish here and then I have to make some phone calls".

Robert was embarrassed, his sister could come and visit him whenever she wanted, after all that was still his apartment...at least for the next 3 days.

"Is she always like this?" She enquired shaking her head, slightly annoyed.

"Oh Rosamund you have to excuse her. There are the pregnancy hormones that speaks for her, I think" he replied, a long sigh escaping his mouth.

"Mmm, really? I don't think so" she whispered, giving a knowing look to her brother "and I would like to speak with you, anyway"

They both entered the sitting room, quietly. Rosamund following his brother, took a seat on the couch. He came standing behind her, pouring them both something to drink.

The only sound that could be heard was the light clinking of the glasses and the pouring of the liquid. Rosamund could stand another second of the awkward silence between the and she felt she had to break the ice. She chose to do so in her own way, dropping the bomb, just like that "And so, Robert dear...are you worried for the marriage? Do you want me to cheer you up a bit?"

He let a nervous laugh escape his mouth "I am not worried. I'm frightened! Rosamund, I..." He suddenly stopped, he didn't want his sister to know what he had done and why he was so scared of this marriage.

"Do you love her?" She asked suddenly and he, probably for the first time in his life, was grateful they couldn't look at each other in the eyes.

"I..." He heard his own voice faltering "I..."

She felt nervous all of a sudden, she had known that all along. She had never liked Patricia. She had always thought her too selfish for Robert's own good and now she was feeling rather guilty, because she had never told him that.

She kept staring at her hands in her lap, her index finger scratching nervously against her thumb "Don't do that, Robert. Please. Do not me marry her if it's not love that is guiding your thoughts"

Robert, who had been waiting for his sister to finish speaking, set the decanter down and with no trace of hunger anymore, but only with deep disconsolation replied "I have to do it, Rosamund...for our family and for..." he stopped again. His sister didn't need to know exactly all the 'details' of this marriage. She, who had loved her husband so dearly and now was still dealing with the aftermath of his loss. He couldn't unburdened himself with her. He would carry his secret in his own heart"

"Cora, Cora Levinson...that's what you were about to say. Isn't it?" blurted out and Robert stilled immediately his hand and turned back to his sister who was now watching him directly in his eyes. "You are doing that for our family and for her own sake"

"What?" He said moving towards his sister and handling her a cocktail "How do you know?"

She smiled at him, but it was a sad smile "Mama told me about your little adventure with the American heiress"

Robert turned on his heels and stepped away from her, he couldn't say it while she was looking so insistently at him "It was not an adventure, Roz. It was a kiss"

"Yes, but Mama said you wanted to leave Patricia for her"

He kept staring out of the window, the scenes of that awful night still haunting him "That's exactly what I intended to do, because, to answer your previous question, we don't love each other, Patricia and I...but then she came up with the story of the baby and..."

She had to stop this madness right now, she couldn't believe her ears "And what Robert? Do you really think I thought you were marrying her for the baby? I know she blackmailed you threatening to ruin our family and Miss Levinson's too. But the question is why are you doing all this?"

"I had no choice. She would have given the pictures of Cora and me to the press"

She didn't reply, there was now an uncomfortable silence between them. She knew he wouldn't take very gladly what she was about to say, but she had to tell him anyway.

"Are you really sure you want to give up your happiness for this?"

Robert suddenly turned to her, his eyes alight with anger "Oh Rosamund, stop please. Now you sound exactly like Cora. Don't you see? I couldn't risk a huge scandal. I don't want to be remembered as the Earl who ruined the family for lo..." He stopped before finishing the word. What was the word he was about to say? It was probably something he was telling on the enthusiasm of the moment, but it couldn't be the truth. He hadn't thought about finding love in all his life. The romantic, encompassing feeling he had studied in poetry books and novels and that, if he had to be honest, he had always doubted of its existence.

Rosamund clasped her hands and put them on her face to cover her mouth "Oh my God! You're in love with her! You love her!"

"What? Who?"

"The American, you are in love with her" she whispered excitedly.

"Rosamund please it's a complete nonsense! I have to admit we understand each other very much, but I've seen her three times in my life. And I'm not even sure love exists", he hissed and then taking a sip from his drink.

"My dear brother, first of all I can assure you that true love exists and secondly have you ever heard the saying 'love at first sight', 'soul mate'...things like that?" she asked glowing, completely unaware of the metaphorical stab she was about to receive from her very own blood.

"You have read too many novels, Roz" Robert spat at her on the spur of the moment and then he froze because he knew what he had just said. He had hurt her, in a way he could not even begin to imagine. He knew how hard his sister had fought to marry Marmaduke because he didn't respect all their mother's standards, and now that he was dead he knew Rosamund was destroyed by his absence.

The guilty look on his brother's face didn't prevent her to speak again, "I know what I am speaking of, Robert. You should know. When I met Duke for the first time, I realised immediately that he was the man of my dreams and that I was destined to be his" she said trying to hold back tears.

"I'm so sorry Roz please forgive me. I didn't mean it" he said stroking her cheek.

She knew Robert was stubborn when it came to this sort of things, she knew he had to come to understand what was going on inside of him in his own time. This time, though, the clock was against them, therefore she felt she had to push him a little bit. "Well if it's true that you don't love her, you would be glad to know that I saw her more or less half an hour ago at the Della Francesca's exhibition and that she was with a man"

The look in his eyes spoke for Rosamund all the words his brother was not willing to speak, not even to himself. He said nothing, he just took another large gulp of his drink and Rosamund went on "The last time I saw her she was running away after that man had kissed her".

At Rosamund's last statement he couldn't tell whether he was feeling dizzy for the drink or for what he had just heard. He didn't know what to do, he wanted to call her to ask if she was alright, but he knew she said she didn't want to see him anymore. In addition to that, he didn't want to call her since Rosamund was still there in the same room. Rosamund was watching, much to her amusement, how he began fidgeting with the collar of his shirt, which now seemed suddenly so tight.

She kept looking at the scene in front of her in great pleasure. Her brother was struggling to seem calm and unperturbed, but she could see he was exactly the opposite. When it was obvious he couldn't resist anymore, he went in the direction of the small desk, grabbed his phone and started to dial something on the screen and then put the telephone near his ear.

"I'm just checking if she is alright" he said looking nonchalantly at his sister.

She stared back at him and laughed "Robert, are you still convinced you do not love her? Cancel the wedding, you can still do it. Before it's too late"

"No I can't do it...and she doesn't want to see me ever again, so it doesn't matter, now...oh well, she is not even answering. Do you think she is ok?"

"You've just said it yourself, probably she doesn't want to speak with you"

He sighed and put the phone from his ear to the small desk again. "Yes, you are right. Shall we check if the dinner is ready?" He said gesticulating towards the door.

"Yes, of course" she replied while standing up and followed him through the door.

They had moved just a few steps into the entrance hall, when they heard someone laughing, it was Patricia because the voice came from the kitchen.

They looked at each other questioningly because the conversation she was apparently having over the phone, was drawing their attention.

"...Oh yes, of course he believed me. You should have seen his face, he was radiant and wanted to touch my belly! But how can he be so stupid? I'm taking my pill and we hadn't slept together in ages even before his father had died… and it's not that we did it very often. How could I ever be pregnant? Yeah..oh well, you know, I had to do something or he would have left me. What else was I supposed to do? He is too responsible to neglect something like a baby." Robert flung the kitchen door wide open, he was so angry he thought his head would explode. Rosamund was right behind him. He was furious.

He covered the space that divided him from Patricia in two big steps and took the phone out of her hand throwing it against the wall. The sound of the crash made both women jump.

"Robert...I..." she tried to say.

"Enough! I've heard enough!" He shouted and Rosamund hurried her pace and stood beside him. She was afraid of his outburst.

"And now leave! Leave my house immediately! You are the worst person on this earth. You wanted to fool me! You have ruined my life! I gave up everything for our child and now, what do I hear? It's all a lie! And now, tell me what did you intend to do at the end of the ninth month, since it's obvious now you are not pregnant?"

She looked down "I would have feigned a miscarriage some time after the wedding" she said in a whisper.

"What? How could you even plan such a horrible thing? I already loved that baby and I would have mourned endlessly for a child who didn't even exist! My heart would have been broken! Do you understand that? Oh, I don't think so. Because you don't have a heart! And now go away, GO AWAY!"

He was angry, he was exhausted and disappointed, but he was finally free from this nightmare.

Patricia left the house in silence and when she shut the door behind her back, Robert turned to his sister and started to breath heavily.

Rosamund hold him for some minutes and when he was fine again, she took his face in her hands and whispered "Go Robert, go to Cora and tell her everything. I'll deal with the cancellation of the marriage. But now you go!"

He scratched his head with his hand and nodded "Ok! I think I owe her an explanation".

Even if the way from Robert's to Cora's apartment was not too long, he had tried the speech he would have told her for what it seemed like one hundred times.

He parked his car and took a deep breath as soon as he closed the car door, trying to steady himself, while heading towards her door, hoping she would be home and let him in.

There he was, in front of her wooden door. He lifted his right arm to knock, while he heard a scream. He turned on his left, then on his right, there was no one on the street, so it should have come from the inside.

He knocked on the door "Cora? Are you home?", no one answered.

After a moment he heard another scream soon followed by a sharp sound and then the scream stopped. There was no doubt in him anymore, it was Cora's voice, but what was the sound he heard? It seemed like a slap or something like that.

"CORA! CORA! Please open the door!" He didn't know what to think or what to do, but he felt something terrible was happening. He had felt the same sensation when he had dialed her number while he was speaking with Rosamund and she hadn't answered.

He started to call her on her mobile, while with the other hand he was trying to open the door pressing the handle repeatedly. No one answered and no one came to open the door.

"Cora are you alright?" Pressing his ear on the wood panel he heard something, someone speaking and a whine like if someone was in pain. There was surely someone inside, but why did no one come to open the door? What if she was not alright? What if she had slipped and broke her leg or hit her head somewhere? And then he remembered what his sister had told him, that she had seen Cora with a man and that she had run away from the exhibition because the men in question had kissed her and probably she hadn't liked it. He started to sweat, his heart beating faster and faster as the realisation washed over him: Cora was in danger!

He started to knock violently at the door, shouting as loud as he could and when he suddenly heard Cora screaming his name, he started to panic, she needed help and soon. Following his instincts he took some steps back from the door and then began kicking it once, twice, then again and again. Finally with all the strength he had in his body he took a run-up and pounced with his shoulder and all his body on the door, which broke and let him in.

The sight he met was the most horrible and heartbreaking his eyes had ever seen. Cora was lying on her bed with a men on top of her which was holding her down and with a hand on her mouth to prevent her from screaming again. He could see that the upper part of her body was naked. Then her eyes met his and he could see they were full of fear and sorrow. Blind by rage, he flung himself on the man pushing him towards the wall. He didn't speak a word, he grabbed him by his collar and just started to punch him. When Bricker tried to defend himself, Robert threw him on the floor and overpowered him with his body, which doubled Bricker's in size. When Robert was sure that that man meant no harm anymore, still holding him down, he turned his gaze to Cora, who in the meantime had tried to cover herself with a sheet and was sobbing soundly while sitting in the corner of her bedroom.

"Are you alright?" He whispered, she said nothing but only nodded in his direction. "I'll call the police then", he went on grabbing his phone dialing the number.


	8. Chapter 8

_**VIII**_

 _ **Confessions and confusion**_

Mentre la sfioravo sentivo sulla punta delle dita una forza misteriosa che mi attraeva verso di lei.

 _As I touched her, I felt a mysterious force under my fingertips that attracted me to her._

Fabio Volo

* * *

When the police left Cora's apartment, she was still crying and sobbing for the shock. He had acknowledged, for the pieces of information that he could gather from the officers, that nothing too bad had happened to her, and that he had just arrived on time. In fact, since Robert had suggested to call the police, they hadn't spoken to each other.

He was afraid to say something wrong and make her feel more fragile and sad than she was already. The image of that man holding her down, the terror he had seen in her eyes still flashing through his mind.

On the other hand Cora didn't know what to say. What was Robert thinking? That she let a man come to her apartment? That she let him in and then probably regretted her choice? Was he thinking she was a facile girl? But then the most terrifying thought came to her mind: what if he hadn't arrived on time? She couldn't even bear to think about the dreadful nightmare she unconsciously had created. She knew she didn't have to trust Simon, she had known it from the beginning, she had sensed it more than a year ago when she had to stop dating him and he had grabbed her by her wrists and refused to let her go. But, in the exact moment that she had understood that Robert couldn't be hers, that she couldn't even have the choice to get to know him better, she had decided he had to pay for it. She wanted her revenge therefore she had accepted Simon's invitation. A decision she was going to regret for the rest of her life. Thinking about it she couldn't stop feeling guilty and extremely stupid for what she had done. She had wanted revenge...revenge for what? Robert had made his choice and she had to accept it, no matter his motives, duty, family...whatever it was. He had made a choice and she wasn't part of it. She even felt worse when her thoughts drifted on the price she, and as a reflection now him too, will have to pay for her foolishness. What she had experience that night was going to haunt her probably for the rest of her life and she couldn't imagine what Robert was thinking about it all.

Trying to steady herself she took a deep breath and when she lifted her gaze her eyes met his. He was handling her a cup of tea, which she accepted with shaking hands. He took a seat in front of her and put his steaming mug on the kitchen table which was the only thing that divided her from him.

Seeing her so hurt and vulnerable made him want to hug her for the rest of the eternity, but he didn't dare moving a single finger to touch her.

"Cora, you should go to see a doctor to check if everything is alright", the mere fact of pronouncing her name made him feel a lot better.

She shook her head, a single tear running down her cheek "No, Robert, I...I'm fine"

He had to insist, he had heard clearly enough the sharp sound of Bricker hitting her and her lower lip was still stained with blood. Moreover he had seen her back and her arms while she had changed into something clean before being questioned by the police. There were red marks on her delicate skin, they should have turned into blue ones very quickly. He thought she hadn't broken bones or anything like that , but since he was not a doctor and couldn't tell, he just wanted to be sure.

"Cora, I must insist. I know that maybe you do not feel comfortable, but I want to be sure you are unharmed and the officer said you should make...er...tests and...you know ...for the aggression statement" his words were gentle and the last ones were spoken in a faltered tone. She knew he was really worried for her and she should have been thankful he had saved her life, but there was a voice in the back of her mind suggesting her that maybe there was a remote possibility he intended something else.

"If you want to know if he...if...if he did... it, I can assure you..." and then she started crying again, there was too much pain, too much shame in her heart.

The real meaning of her words, what was lying under the sentence she had just spoken, made his heart break "Oh Cora, do you really think I meant that? I'm so sorry... It's just... that I can't even bear the thought of knowing that you can be injured" and then not even knowing how, he reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. He was almost regretting it, while he felt her fingers tighten their grip on his.

"Alright, Robert. I will see a doctor but only if you are the one who brings me there and let the doctor examine your hand as well. It hurts, doesn't it?"

Oh yes it hurt, it hurt terribly; but not as much as his heart. Thinking of what could have happened made him want to scream and punch that man again and again.

He wanted to protest, but he simply didn't have the courage to deny anything to that pair of blue eyes.

"Ok! Let's go" he said grabbing his jacket and placing it on Cora's shoulders. As soon as she was safely tucked under it, he absentmindedly encircled her with his arm and she stopped trembling.

"Thank you" she said in a whisper.

* * *

The car ride to the hospital had been very silent. Cora kept looking at her lap or outside the car window, while Robert kept his eyes on the road and only looked at her when he was sure she wasn't noticing it.

After having briefly explained the situation to the nurse, Robert asked Cora to be examined first, pleading with the doctors to be particularly gentle with her. She had at first refused when the policemen suggested to call an ambulance right away, but they had told Robert that convincing her to see a doctor was of the utmost importance. Luckily he had managed it and he sighed in relief now that they were examining her. He thought he could not even imagine the turmoil of feelings she must have felt. The only thing he knew was that she was precious and that he wanted nothing more than to protect her.

When his turn arrived, they directed him to the radiology department to check his hurt hand. The result showed that it was not broken, but it had to be bandaged for at least a week because there was a bad contusion.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the nurse accompanied Robert to Cora's room. When he entered, knocking lightly to announce his presence, he found her staring blankly in front of her. When she heard the knock she suddenly turned to him, offering his saviour the best smile she could form at the moment, which was a sad one.

"Hi" she was the first to greet him "please come in". He smiled back at her, he was so happy she was safe and that she was alright.

"How are you?" He asked placing a chair next to her bed and sitting. She smiled again, her eyes full of tears she was not willing to let go. She was wearing a white cotton hospital gown, which made her look softer and more fragile then ever, but he thought he had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life.

"I'm alright, Robert. They just want me to stay for the night because I'm still a little shocked and I have a mild concussion. To tell the truth, I'm more than a little shocked" she laughed lightly. He couldn't answer, he had a lump on his throat which prevented him to speak, so he nodded, sniffing.

"What happened to your hand? Oh my God, is it broken?" He could sense she was really worried for him, she always cared for other people even before herself. In the meantime, she had placed her palm upon his large bandaged hand which laid on her bed and the light warmth that emanated from her body made his heart feel comforted. He couldn't lift his eyes, but kept staring at their hands. She was there and despite the great fear, she would have recovered quite quickly.

"Oh Cora, never mind me. The most important thing is that you are alright. And don't worry it's not broken. Because you know, when I came to your house and heard you were in danger and I saw what...what he...had in his mind...I...I...wanted to kill him. And I'm sorry if I scared you with my behaviour because I found the strength to stop punching him, only when I heard you sobbing".

Lifting her hand from his, she touched his chin with her index, trying to make a sort of connection between the two of them "Look at me, Robert, look at me", he did as she asked, she was smiling but this time it was a happy smile "You didn't scare me, at all. You saved me. How can I be scared of you?! I will be forever grateful to you"

Robert found himself smiling and took her hand in his unharmed one, placing a soft kiss on the back of it.

"But there is one thing I don't understand. Why were you knocking at my door this evening?"

There she was, with the embarrassing question he now had to answer. But how to begin? The speech he had imagined in his mind earlier that day and repeated within himself on his way to her apartment had now faded away. He had to find the right words to explain her.

Seeing that he hadn't spoken yet, she went on, clearing her throat "But of course you can tell me another day. I suppose you have to go now. You need to rest and since there are only two days left, I don't want to be the cause of the groom's distress" she let a quite unconvinced laughter escape her lips.

He locked his eyes in hers, "Cora, the thing is...I came to your apartment this evening because I wanted to talk to you...I wanted to explain you" she looked at him, wide-eyed "I don't understand, I think we had already explained everything"

"Yes, but that was a long time ago. Something's happened and you deserve to know. I'm free, Cora...I don't have to marry Patricia anymore"

Her eyes widened in surprise and Robert began to tell her what he had discovered earlier that evening. Patricia had blackmailed them with the story of the photos and feigned a pregnancy in order to marry him for his title. That if necessary, she would have 'staged' a miscarriage some weeks after the wedding and all this because she knew Robert was going to leave her.

Cora had listened to all this in silence, completely shocked by the cruelty of this woman.

"I'm sorry if I damaged you with all this, Cora. And the thing that makes me more angry with myself is that I should have known it was all a lie because..."

"Yes, Robert?"

"It's so hard for me to speak of this kind of things" he let out a long sigh and then whispered "because I hadn't slept with her since I met you on that rainy day, I should have known she wasn't pregnant"

She gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

Then after the initial embarrassment she spoke, her lips quivering "I have something to tell you, too. I accepted Simon's invitation because I wanted to hurt you" she lowered her gaze.

"Oh Cora..." he caressed gently her cheek, but she went on, floods of tears running down her face.

"When we were at the exhibition he kissed me, but I didn't want to, I felt disgusted and disappointed because it was never my intention to do so...and I...I ran away and went home. But unfortunately I forgot to lock the door and...he probably followed me. And then...then he was in my bedroom...and he wanted to...but I...I...tried so hard to fight him...I tried to punch him and kick him...but..." she was shaking violently, she didn't need to go through all this again. He immediately got up and sitting on her bed, embraced her so that her face was resting on his chest.

"Shhhh my dear. It's over now and you are safe" he said trying to soothe her caressing her back.

After some minutes she calmed down and even if he didn't want to let her go, he knew she had to sleep and have some rest.

"Cora, now you have to sleep. It has been an exhausting day" he tried to be more convinced than he actually was, because parting from her now was too hard for him.

He started to head towards the door but she called him when he was still in the middle of the room "Robert, will you stay?"

He rushed to her, taking her hand in his "Yes...yes of course" and he smiled at her.

* * *

When Robert woke up the next morning, he was still half sitting on the chair and half lying down on Cora's bed, their fingers entwined. She had slept most of the night, her sleep had been tormented only for a few times, but Robert had whispered in her ear that he was there to protect her and that he was not leaving her and she had immediately stopped fidgeting.

The sun was rising, a soft pink and orange light was filtering through the window illuminating the room. He looked at her and then back at their hands and thought of how lucky they had been. Thank God he had discovered Patricia's plan and then listened to Rosamund's suggestion to go and tell Cora. The thought of having almost lost her, or that that man could have hurt her in the most terrible way made his heart clench.

And now he was looking at her, lying in a hospital bed, the perfection of her features temporarily damaged by the bruises made his heart constrict as if an invisible hand was squeezing it. He left his eyes wander on her arms counting the blows, then the cut on her lower lip, those lips he had kissed once and had cast a spell on him.

But now, how were the things between them? He was free and only hoped she would let him know her. He wanted to spend a lot of time with her, she was beautiful, smart, witty and interesting, she had a great heart. He felt so at ease with her. It was like knowing a person from years, but finding in her always something new. The same exact feeling he had felt when they kissed, as if his body and his mind knew exactly what to do, but accompanied with the thrilling sensation of something which was constantly worth rediscovering running through his spine.

Her eyes started to blink and when they found his, she smiled gently at him "Good morning" she whispered

"Good morning Cora. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you...and thank you for staying here with me tonight"

He smiled gently at her and then his mouth spoke without him thinking "Don't worry. I couldn't let you stay here alone, anyway"

He blushed and clearing his throat, turned his back to her keeping his eyes to the window.

What the hell was happening to him? Why his ability to hide his feelings away didn't work in her presence? Why even if he wasn't looking at her he couldn't stop recollecting the blue bruises on her soft skin and feeling his good hand closing into a tight fist by its own accord without him even wishing to do so?

He left some seconds pass in dense silence, then wearing his detached English Earl mask, he spoke avoiding her gaze: "Why don't you have a shower and get dressed while I fetch the car and prepare everything to take you home?"

"Okay" she answered quite flabbergasted at his sudden change of behaviour.

She stood up, while Robert exited the room and she stepped inside the bathroom to take a shower.

She let the warm water soothe her body and her mind. There were cuts, bruises and blue marks on her skin, she knew they were temporary; but it was the pain she felt in her soul that she wasn't able to forget.

Then her mind drifted to her saviour, her knight in shining armour who came to rescue her just in time.

She hated to admit it, but despite she had always thought she was a free spirit, a woman who was destined to be alone, happily concentrated on her job, she knew she had found someone worth living for.

From the first time in her life she was not putting her job as her priority, a thing she found quite strange, having spent so little time with Robert.

But again, there was something in her heart which was drawing her desperately to him. She had even seen something in his eyes that morning, when she woke up, she was sure he was staring at her and he was reflecting about something, but she couldn't quite place it.

He had told her he was free now, he didn't have to sacrifice himself anymore for the sake of protecting his family and as a result hers, too. Robert was a man who lived for his family, that was as clear as day to her, now. He would do anything for the ones he loved, he was not keen on admitting his feelings, but his gestures spoke for him. This was probably the thing she admired most in him: his strong sense of protection together with his sense of choosing always what had to be done, even if it didn't coincide with his own wishes. This, she thought, was at he same time what was causing him the greatest part of his inner troubles.

* * *

From the moment she woke up and he found himself still holding her hand he felt in the right place, exactly where he wanted to be. Then when she had thanked him for having stayed the night, his mouth had spoken totally without his consent probably on the wave of his thoughts about her, the way he was looking at her perfect features and he suddenly had felt embarrassed. He didn't even know what she was thinking, what she wanted and he felt ashamed talking that way with a woman who was recovering from the most horrible nightmare one could think of.

" _I couldn't let you stay here alone"_ what the hell was he thinking?

Inexplicably, she didn't seem annoyed by his answer, but he was still wondering why he had said those words without thinking. He needed a break, maybe he was still tired from the long night. But oh how he wanted to hold her hand again and having the chance to watch her sleep.. _.come on Robert pull yourself together_ , he thought while he was heading to her room to take her home.

When he was some feet away from her room he saw Cora exiting with the doctor and the nurse, closing gently the door behind her. As soon as she noticed him, she began to smile, he covered the last steps rushing his pace.

"Oh, well Mr Crawley" the doctor said turning to him, who had reached Cora in the meantime and was standing next to her "as I was saying, Miss Levinson can go home as her bruises are going to heal in a few weeks maybe even less. If she needs any sort of psychological help, you just have to ask and we will be glad to give all the support she needs. There's a group led by my colleague and friend Ms Baxter with women who had experienced the same as Miss Levinson has. But I think she is strong enough to overcome all this with nothing more than your help...and one more thing, before I leave, please remember that her body and her soul are still healing, therefore you have to take great care of your girlfriend" and turning on his heels he took his leave.

Cora suddenly went white, while a red faced Robert kept opening and closing his mouth turning to look at Cora's face and at the back of the retreating doctor "She...is...not...".

When he decided that the doctor was already too far to hear him, he turned to her completely "Shall we go, now? I take you home", she didn't say anything but after a few steps he felt her hand reach for his, her gaze still fixed on the floor, her cheeks a light shade of pink. God she was so beautiful, and he squeezed it, to let her know it was alright for him.

They had to leave the other's hand when they reached Robert's black Bentley which he had parked near the hospital exit door.

She let go of his hand, and he opened the car door for her. Cora stepped inside and waited patiently for Robert to climb into the car and start the engine.

When they arrived at Cora's apartment, she noticed the entrance door had been fixed. She immediately looked back at Robert with a quizzical look on her face.

He cleared his throat and started "Yes, well...I called a friend of mine and told him to repair the door, but the damage I caused was irreparable and I bought you another one".

He didn't know what to say or how could she have reacted being in that place again, but she surprised him giggling lightly. Well, at least she wasn't crying.

"I think I should take you out for lunch, then...If you haven't planned anything or if you don't have to attend to urgent matters."

It was his turn now to giggle "I'm not busy, the doctor has advised me to leave work for a week and this morning I've already informed my office"

At these words a big smile spread on Cora's face, who turned the key and gestured towards Robert to come in.

She thought she would have relieved the events of the night before once she stepped inside her apartment, but she was not alone, Robert was with her and she felt safe. The only room in which she felt very uncomfortable was her bedroom, but since it was lunch time and the day far from being over, she decided she would have enjoyed her time with Robert and let the thoughts bother her when time came.

She went straight to bathroom deciding to wear some makeup before leaving for lunch. She wanted to cover the marks on her cheek and the cut on her lip to feel more at ease and after a short while she was quite satisfied with her work. Robert had waited for her sitting on her couch at the entrance, the one which reminded him so much of their uncomfortable talk of a month before. He wanted so much to ask her if she was willing to see him again, if she was as eager as him to know each other better, but he thought he could leave it for later.

When she exited the bathroom and joined Robert she was a vision. Simply dressed in the same black skinny jeans and white shirt of the first time they met, with a touch of makeup he couldn't even notice the bruises, but to tell the truth, he found her just beautiful even before.

"Are you ready Mr Crawley?" She asked smiling

"Yes, Miss Levinson" he teased "where are we going?"


	9. Chapter 9

Hi guys! As you can see I'm back! First of all I'd like to thank all of you for your kind reviews and the private messages I got during these months. They meant a lot to me above all because something terrible happened and I couldn't write or enjoy anything anymore. Some days after having published the previous chapter, I lost a beloved friend and life has not been easy since then. Those of you who know me personally know how destroyed I was by all this ordeal. Sometimes it's still hard but I'm getting better! So...now for those of you who asked...here's another chapter that I hope you'll enjoy.

* * *

 **IX.**

 **I'll be behind you**

Cora and Robert spent the rest of the day together. His only thought was to distract her, to make her laugh, to make her happy. He wanted so much to help her to get back to normality. He knew it was a difficult path, he knew she would blame herself for what happened and he also knew that there was no point in trying to convince her of the contrary, at least for now. But there was also another thing that Robert had understood and it was that Cora was strong, and a very strong woman always finds a way to overcome the obstacles of life.

She had informed him earlier that day about her life back in America and the pressure she had to endure before she came up with the decision that changed her life. She told Robert of all the times she had to stand up for herself and of that final straw that led her to go against her own family, her own parents to finally take the plane that brought her to England and be the woman she wanted to be.

She had confessed all these things to him, she had opened her heart to him willingly, because it had been all so extremely natural. Every time she disclosed something new to him he found he was even more proud of her.

Robert, on his side, started to feel more at ease with Cora; so at ease that a certain point during the afternoon in front of a steaming mug of hot chocolate, he had started to reveal something of himself too.

Speaking of himself had never been easy for him, but while looking into those beautiful blue eyes, lulled by her soft American voice, it was like his mouth had started talking without his consent. The oddest thing of it all was that he didn't regret it, on the contrary he was happy that the girl sitting in front of him was willing to listen to him and to know who he really was. Because under the Earl's surface there was just a man, a man with feelings that he hadn't been able to disclose to anyone, until...until he met Cora.

When he was alone, unless he was working, the time seemed to move so slow, but with Cora the hours slipped by like sand through his hands.

After a good meal, a nice stroll and a cup of hot chocolate later, he found himself staring in disbelief at the clock hanging on the wall behind Cora's back. It was time for dinner.

She noticed immediately that he was pondering over something, his eyes were fixed on a point behind her and creases were beginning to form on his forehead.

"Robert?" She asked shyly, believing that all this chitchatting had already annoyed him "is something the matter?"

"Oh" he shook his head "no, not at all. But it's time for dinner."

She sighed heavily and tried to mask her discomfort at the thought of being alone in that dreadful house with a nervous smile that didn't fool Robert.

He looked down at his hands that were hugging the empty mug. They had had a great day. He almost thought he had succeeded in making her happy that afternoon but now that it was over, he didn't want to part from her, he didn't want to leave her alone.

"Do you want me to take you home? Or do you want to stay out a little more?" Acknowledging his sudden boldness, he quickly added, shifting uncomfortably on his chair "If you are not tired, of course."

She kept staring at her empty mug, her white fingers fidgeting with the handle, scratching the hard surface, then she lifted her gaze and for the thousandth time that day, her eyes met his. She seemed to find a deeper connection with him just looking into his eyes, this almost unnoticeable gesture was startling her, while on the other hand, she found it easier to convey her feelings and her thoughts this way. She felt like if Robert could understand her better.

"I don't want to go home...not yet", she finally found the strength to mutter, maybe just a bit louder than a whisper, but he had understood it perfectly.

"Well then" he said, standing up and offering her his arm, which she gladly accepted "How about some dinner, miss Levinson?"

He had this peculiar ability to lighten up her mood just by staying around therefore their dinner went on smoothly as the rest of the day.

She had asked herself many times during the inevitable but comfortable silences that fell upon them in the course of that afternoon if spending the day with Robert had been a good idea. She had been just discharged from the hospital and maybe it had been a stupid thing to do, but the time spent with Robert had been a happy one and he had done his very best in trying to cheer her up.

But as they say 'all good things come to an end' and now it was time to go home, for the both of them.

As soon as they left the restaurant, Robert and Cora found themselves having a hard time moving through the people outside the building. As to shield Cora preventing her from falling or from getting pushed and pull by the sea of people, Robert absentmindedly put his arm around her waist to guide them through the crowd gathered on the sidewalk. She didn't protest at all, to be honest she didn't even mind it, but when he realised his gesture he froze on the spot and retracted his arm.

In that moment he would have probably punched himself for his carelessness, if he could.

Cora immediately looked at him with questioning eyes, she felt strange at the loss of the contact but before she was able to realise what was going on, he had already spoken.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to. I just wanted to escort you to the car. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable"

"Robert are you serious? I'm not feeling uncomfortable. I trust you."

He felt a wave of relief washing over him and he put his arm around her waist walked in silence like this until they reached the car and he let go of her only to open the door of his Bentley.

The drive home was quiet since they were both absorbed in their own thoughts, secretly hoping that they would do it again in the future.

When they entered Cora's apartment, everything was dark and all of a sudden he felt her body stiffen.

Not waiting her to feel more uncomfortable than she probably already was, he passed her to turn the lights on. When the lights invaded the room, he turned to check on her and he saw that her face had turned as white as a sheet and her hands were slightly trembling.

She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself and headed towards the couch to sit down.

Robert knew he had to leave, but seeing her so unsure of herself, which, he supposed, was not a trait Cora showed very often, he couldn't find in his heart to part from her. He had to be sure she was fine, but not knowing what to do, he did the first thing that came to his mind, he went to her kitchen to prepare some tea for the both of them.

"This will help" he told her, handing her a steaming mug, which she took, her arm stretching towards the proffered object, but her eyes unseeing, as if Robert was invisible.

She was broken, he could see it...he could have embraced her, but he was not sure, he dreaded her reaction. He decided to sit next to her on the couch and waited patiently while sipping his tea.

There was tension between them, despite the nice time they had. Robert was completely insecure about how he was supposed to behave, and Cora had so many thoughts running through her mind, she didn't know how to manage the situation. But in all that mess that was her mind now, there was only one thing she could discern for certain, with Robert she felt safe. At the cost of sounding like a fool she knew what she had to ask him.

"Robert, will you stay here until I fall asleep?"

He feared she could feel his heart pounding in his chest and he smiled at her. "Yes. Yes of course I will". It was the least he could do.

"Thank you" she whispered trying to fight back tears.

She got up heading towards her bedroom, clearly intending to wear her pyjama, the sound of her heels echoing in her ears. When she reached the threshold which divided her bedroom from the rest of the house she stopped. Her eyes fixed on the thin line on the floor. She couldn't move her feet. She tried to lift her gaze to shake the fear threatening to seep through her pores, when unfortunately her eyes met the sight of her bed.

The room had surely been cleaned and tidied up. There was no sign of what had happened the day before. Yet, she could see it all. Simon's ghostly shape sitting on her bed, she could even feel his hands on her, his breath whispering near her ear.

Cora began to tremble.

The more she tried to step that invisible boundary, the more she found herself unable to move. Simon's voice was still poisoning her head, she could feel his arms everywhere, her breath growing heavier. She wanted to get rid of this nightmare, she had to find a way. She had to face it. She knew it was going to hurt, but she had no choice. She took a deep breath and while she was moving her uncertain first step into the room, she felt the warmth of Robert's hand taking hers.

"We'll do this together".

She didn't reply, only nodded in his direction and moved her first step inside the room.

Her head was spinning, but Robert was on her side, following her movements with great care. Step by step she reached her wardrobe and retrieved her pyjama and passed it to Robert.

"I'll sleep in the other room".

That's all she was able to whisper.

Robert didn't notice at first there was another bedroom in Cora's house. It was small but well furnished, with a vintage bed and wardrobe in it. It was lovely, he had to admit it, Cora had a great taste.

He sat on the dark green velvet armchair and waited for her to come back inside.

When she entered the bedroom she was wearing a simple blue pyjama which shaped her tiny body perfectly and he noticed she had removed her make up. The bruises now were very well visible, but it was the look on her face that caught his attention.

She was trying to seem more at ease than what she actually was, and Robert could sense that. By looking into her shimmering blue eyes he knew she was afraid, not of him, but of the night she had to spend alone in her own house which now held a very painful memory.

Neither of them dared to speak, there was not much to say anyway.

She climbed into the small bed and adjusted herself to be more comfortable, then she put her arms on the blanket and smiled at him, but her smile soon faltered and her lower lip started quivering. The wall she was trying so desperately to build around her, not wanting Robert to see how hurt she was, fell the exact moment she found him still waiting for her in the bedroom.

She let her arm fall down from her lap reaching her side, her hand waiting half open. He let his large palm slip inside hers and they tightened their grip almost simultaneously, Robert thumb making small circles on her soft skin.

She was so beautiful and so kind hearted, it broke his heart she was suffering so much. He would have gladly accepted all her pain, in order to see the blissfully happy smile she had shared with him the first time they kissed.

"I'm here Cora. I'm not going anywhere until you are asleep" he squeezed her hand once again.

"Okay" she whispered, sniffing and drying her wet cheeks with her free hand. They shared a moment of silence. In the meantime, Cora had the chance to calm her nerves while Robert couldn't stop admiring her porcelain skin softly lightened by the lamp on the bedside table and the shimmering of her eyes which were so in contrast with her dark brown hair.

"Would you tell me something about Downton, Robert?" her request caught him completely off guard, waking him from his reverie.

It hadn't taken long for her to fall asleep the exhaustion of the last days had finally got the better of her. She was still holding Robert's hand and he couldn't dare to release her grip.

When he was sure she was sleeping soundly, he tiptoed to her sitting room ready to leave, but in his heart he couldn't leave her. Could he?

He was already wearing his jacket and half way towards the front door, when he thought he could watch a bit of telly to make sure she wouldn't wake up.

He discarded his jacket on a nearby chair and sat on the couch searching for some good show worth watching.

The intensity of the last few months had taken its toll on Robert too, who fell asleep after a while in Cora's sitting room.

But sleep was not in order for him that night because he was suddenly woken up by a sharp cry of terror coming from the other room.

He rushed to the bedroom Cora was sleeping in and stood in the doorway, afraid he could upset her with his presence. After all, he thought he could imagine what kind of nightmare had just woken her.

He found her sitting in the middle of the bed, sweating with fear. Her eyes were wide open and full of panic, there were tears glimmering on her cheeks. She was breathing heavily, hyperventilating and from where he stood he could see that she wasn't even able to speak.

He was afraid to move, but decided to take a chance and walked towards her, in the direction of the bed.

She hadn't probably seen him until then, because as soon as her eyes acknowledged his presence in the room she seemed suddenly less troubled. Her lips rewarded him with a small smile, but they soon started quivering as she whispered his name in the dim lit room.

His feet moved of their own accord and he found himself half sitting on the right side of the bed. She looked at him and he could see she was terribly frightened, her body still shaking and her breath still heavy.

He couldn't bear to see her like that and looked at her with his arms half open "May I?" he whispered, knowing that his question was probably making her uncomfortable. But he didn't know how to help, how to console her, how to let her know she was safe with him.

He would have expected her to lightly nod her consent or even to shout at him to leave her house, but as soon as he said the words, she flung herself into his arms clinging to him as her life depended on him.

He stroked her hair and made light circles on her shoulders and upper back trying to soothe her as best as he could. He didn't know how to do it, he had never done that with anyone but he let his instinct guide him and despite his trembling, unsure hands it seemed to work as after some time her breathing became normal and he felt her body relax.

He put his hands delicately on her upper arms and pushed her a little away from him to look at her and check how she was.

"Everything will be alright, I promise"

He was well aware it was not entirely true, she would probably had to live with this horrible memory for the rest of her life, but he also knew that Cora was strong enough to overcome all this. If she was willing to fight for a life worth living, she was willing to fight to be herself again, then he would fight together with her.

She let herself fall backwards with her head on the pillow and stared at him. She couldn't ask him again, she had already asked him to stay once, she didn't want to take advantage of him. He was tired too, and had all the right to go to his house and sleep in his own bed.

She kept staring at him, hoping she would fall asleep before he left.

But as he could read her mind, he reached for the green armchair once again and took her hand in his.


	10. Chapter 10

**X.**

 **The touch of your hands**

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, Robert and Cora spent all their free time together. Rosamund had been of great help with the cancellation of the wedding and she also did her best to spare Robert from all the gossip.

In the end it turned out that Cora had been right when months prior she had suggested that the 'wedding scandal' could have been managed rather easily. It took the medias only a couple of weeks to lose interest in the sudden change of mind of the Earl of Grantham and his former fiancée.

Violet was still not pleased by her son's decision. It was true that their company had not suffered the feared loss of their best customer, but it was also true that Patricia's money were definitely gone now.

Cora was visibly improving, she was convinced now more than ever that she could come back to her old life.

She had changed. The terrifying situation she got herself into had undoubtedly changed her, but since she couldn't change the past, she was determined move forward to a better future. Since she wanted to recover in the best possible way from all the ordeal, she was also attending some psychological meetings for violence victims and she found herself very close to their psychologist, Phyllis Baxter.

Robert had been her greatest strength, making her see the light when she found herself confused, trying his best to comfort her. She had understood, though, by the way he still hesitated, or by the uncertainty in his eyes that he feared she could feel uncomfortable with him. The truth was she felt safe with him, safer than with anyone else. He made her feel at peace. Oh how much she blamed herself during the first week of recovery, when they only left her apartment to have long, relaxing walks in the park. But Robert had been adamant in making her understand she was not to blame. It hadn't been her fault.

The Earl of Grantham, on the other side, was a turmoil of feelings; always fighting his own instincts to wrap her in a blanket and cuddle her forever. He couldn't understand himself.

This profound sense of protection he had felt for her from the very beginning even before all this ghastly ordeal took place, was startling him, but it seemed so right at the same time.

When he was with Cora everything seemed to fall into place. It was as if all his feelings were pieces of a great puzzle that she could easily recognise and put together to make a wonderful picture. But when he wasn't with her and his mind began thinking about himself and who he really was and all the things he had been taught during his life, he couldn't quite recognise himself.

She hadn't changed him though, she was probably the only person who could see right through him and bring out the best in him.

Today he had decided to take her to Brighton. He wanted to surprise her and to celebrate her strength, because he knew she had been sleeping in her room -in her bed- for the last week.

The day was wonderfully warm, despite being early November and while parking his car in the street outside Cora's apartment, he couldn't help but think of how things had changed for them. From the day he kissed her in the park - the only kiss they had shared and that unbeknownst to Cora still kept him awake at night - to the present day, through all the heartbreak and the fear. Yes, it was definitely a good day to celebrate!

As he made to ring the bell, the door flung open and there she was, turning around and half bumping into Robert, her hair tickling his nose as he put his hand on her waist, careful not to let her fall backwards.

"Good morning! You look gorgeous!" he said taking in her appearance. She was wearing a pair of dark gray trousers with flat shoes, as he requested her, because they needed to be comfortable, and her favourite leather jacket.

"Are you ready?" He asked as she rewarded him with one of her biggest smiles. He had missed her smiling like that.

"Hey, you don't look too bad yourself, Robert! Where are we going?" Her eyes were shining and she was laughing, he loved making her happy.

He took her hand as he lead her to his car "I'm taking you to Brighton…if you like"

She put her free her mouth to cover her surprise and excitement "I'd love to go! Thank you Robert!"

"I thought we could visit the city, take a look at the beach and tonight there's a fireworks display, if you're up to it"

"Of course I am!" and she kissed his cheek before climbing into the car.

* * *

The day passed quickly and they had a very lovely time together visiting the Palace Pier, the world's oldest aquarium and the Toy and Models Museum in which Robert got surprisingly excited over a 1930s three-rail O-gauge layout. They decided to forego the Art Gallery because it was already getting late and they had to get to Preston Park on time to see the show.

As they took their place, Robert noticed that Cora had grown increasingly silent during the last hour.

She also hadn't looked at him in a while and she was toying incessantly with her hands.

At first Robert thought she could be cold, but a closer look at her told Robert that she was not shivering. He extended his arm and covered her hands with his left one. He squeezed them tightly, until he felt Cora relax and finally she met his gaze. With his right hand he proceeded to spread the blanket, he had previously removed from the boot of his car, on the both of them, never leaving her and whispered, as the roaring noise of the fireworks could be heard in the background. "You can talk to me, you know that, don't you?"

He could see the coloured lights of the fireworks illuminating her face, as seconds, probably minutes ticked by, until she answered "Mother wants to come and visit me in December"

As soon as she said those words her eyes flew back to the show taking place in front of her. For some moments Robert didn't know what to do, knowing there were things going on inside her family that she wasn't pleased with…and as far as he knew, Cora's mother had been a topic she didn't talk about very often. Recalling, though, a conversation he had with Cora's psychologist who now was more a friend to her, then a professional, in which she told him that sometimes Cora needed to open up herself with someone, Robert decided that maybe he could try to talk to her about this.

Therefore, after some internal debate with himself he tried again "Isn't that a good thing? I bet she can't wait to spend some time with you".

At this she let out a half laugh and whispered, her eyes never leaving the sky "I don't know if I can stand her, now. She is surely going to snoop around my house and I'm not used having her around. I had a hard time in keeping her away from me after everything that's happened and I don't know…I also feel guilty for saying it, but it wasn't her the person I needed"

He could see that she was struggling with herself and he couldn't help but entwine his fingers with hers under the blanket. He was so sorry for her.

"You only did what you thought was best for you and I've never seen a stronger person in all my life"

Finally she found some strength to meet his eyes and mouthed a thank you only for him to hear.

Then he suddenly had an idea "You know what? When she leaves, you can come to Downton with us and have Christmas together. What do you say?" He couldn't wait for her to see his estate and childhood home. He already knew she was going to love it. They could explore the grounds and the house and he could already imagine the look on her face at the sight of the portrait of Charles I by Van Dyke.

Cora hated to disappoint him, because she could see the look of hope in his eyes, but she couldn't risk to ruin her relationship with Robert because of her mother's bossiness "She is going stay here _at least_ until Christmas, Robert and before you extend your invitation to her as well, please let me tell you that it is not a good idea".

"Oh, well" he said nonchalantly trying to masque his disappointment, but the look on his face didn't fool Cora, not for one bit.

"I'm sorry" she whispered in his ear, since the people sitting in their vicinity had already cast some surreptitious glances at the couple.

He smiled at her and bringing his hand close to her cheek, he stroke it with the back of his index finger "You'll come for New Year's Eve, then. I won't accept a no for an answer this time"

"Alright, then I'll come. But what will your mother say?" she was glad to finally see what Robert had so meticulously described to her -after she had asked him to- as his childhood home.

She could see by the way his eyes lit and by the way his gaze drifted to some unidentified place on the horizon, that he could picture Downton just before his eyes whenever he talked about it and that, of course, he loved that place.

"Don't worry about that, I can handle her"

She was about to ask if he was sure of what he was saying because as far as she knew, Violet's strong will had always prevailed on her son's choices, but she bit her tongue not wanting Robert to feel useless or somewhat weak.

After that, they watched the last part of the fireworks display without exchanging a word, their hands still entwined under the blanket made all the 'talking'. Cora would sometimes tighten her grip on Robert's hand when she could spot a marvellous pattern made by the fireworks, Robert would answer by caressing the back of Cora's hand making little circles with his thumb, their hearts both running wild in their chests.

They both relished these little gestures, giving comfort to one another when words were sometimes difficult to be spoken and when feelings were still too overwhelming to be understood.


End file.
